特洛伊公主---波吕克塞娜公主情事(Polyxena----Princess of Troy)
(特洛伊戰爭的四公主之第二部)

 (一)


我仍記得這一切開始的那天.
我當時只九歲, 要旁人把我拉起才能在特洛伊的城垛間看到城外發生的事. 那人應是我眾多兄長之一吧, 到底是哪個我倒是忘了. 我的注意力都被更戲劇化的事吸引過去了.
那是一個美麗的早晨.. 我看到了第一排船的桅杆頂部從在海水的盡頭處緩媛升起. 我偷偷望向父親臉上震驚之色. 竟然有這麼多的船! 每條船張得滿滿的帆上是不同城邦的徽飾: 伊薩卡, 斯巴達, 邁錫尼, 還有許多許多的. 船的兩舷處是一排排的巨櫓, 此起彼伏破浪而來. 第一排之後是更多, 更多的船.
「肯定超過一千艘吧.」有人說. 其他人聽到了都為之側目.沒有什麼比赤裸裸的現實更有殺傷力了. 只有卡珊德拉, 我的長姊,一言不發的點頭, 以她碧綠的眼睛投向現在已佈滿戰船的海面. 卡珊德拉 又一次不幸言中了, 只可惜她的預言從來都被人們故意忽視---直至事實擺在眼前, 可是已經遲了. 他們說卡珊德拉曾被太陽神阿波羅賜與預知未來的神奇力量, 卻又因她拒絕太陽神的求愛而受到他的詛咒: 凡她預言的, 都不會為人們相信.
「這會把戰爭和毀滅帶來特洛伊!」在兄長巴里斯把美麗絕倫的海倫從斯巴達帶回來時, 卡珊德拉就在一次癲癇發作中以指指向兄長的新娘警告. 海倫是斯巴達的前王后, 她是和兄長一起私奔回來的.
他們說她是世界上最美的女人 從某一角度看, 我不能反駁. 她有一頭亮麗金髮, 五官精緻, 雙肩如削, 胸脯飽滿而腰部纖細幾只手可盈握---這是每個男人心中慾念的化身吧. 但海倫之美不單止於外表. 她看似柔弱, 卻擁有令所有男人都心動而甘願為她走向刀山火海的特質. 這特質存在她每一個細微動作, 每一個若有所思的垂頭, 每一次她把那優美的頸轉個方向, 每一個耳語, 每一個歎息之中. 任是心如鐵石也會馬上溶化. 即使我閱歷甚深見盡天下美女的父親也不例外. 他本來斬釘截鐵的要把她送回斯巴達的. 但在第一次眼神接觸後, 他已知道他是絕不可能狠下心來發出這命令.
於是, 希臘人來了. 他的前夫墨涅拉俄斯來了, 阿格門農, 墨涅拉俄斯的兄長, 亦是希臘人推舉的共主, 來了. 最狡滑的奧狄修斯來了. 還有令人聞名喪膽的阿喀琉斯, 來了. ,  
我的長兄赫托, 亦是父親的指定繼承人後來對我說: 即使巴里斯有沒有把海倫帶回來也好, 希臘人遲早會來的. 阿格門農的野心是控制這一帶的貿易水道, 而這使希臘與特洛伊終難免一戰. 海倫只是為他提供了進犯的藉口. 可能吧. 怎樣也好, 海倫令他們出師有名: 她的美貌令千帆並舉, 使我們這海岸血流成河
第一排的船已抵淺水區. 我看到第一個從甲板上跳下的希臘人. 他殺了我們四個人, 其中兩個是我同父異母兄長, 之後他才被砍倒了. 後來我知道他的名字叫Protesilaus. 他被尊為勇士, 因為他不畏先著陸者必死的神諭而奮勇爭先.
我看到兩軍距離逐步收窄: 希臘人搶灘, 我們的戰士試圖把他們趕回大海. 我看見人倒下, 血花四濺, 戰死者的盔甲被剝奪, 赤條條的屍體橫臥在被浪潮不斷沖洗的幼沙上. 我是從城的高點看到這一切的, 因為距離很遠, 我沒聽到那些慘叫聲, 死亡看來是如此不真實. 我只是被這變化萬千的場面吸引著了.
「把她抱回後宮! 這是應該讓小孩子的到的嗎?」 普里阿摩斯, 我的父王怒吼道.
在我不情不願下, 我被人從城垛上弄了下來送到安全的寢宮中.
「不要害怕, 好孩子. 很快就完結. 赫托會把他們都趕進海裡.」我的母親在我耳畔低聲說.
但她錯了.
這沒有很快完結.
事實上, 過了太久仍未完結.
接著的九年, 特洛伊都處於被圍狀態. 無數的戰鬥中無數的人會死去, 其中一些是我最親愛的. 我的命運亦從此天翻地覆. 甜美歌聲飄逸的悠然夏夜一去不返, 代替的是戰鼓與鐃鈸聲, 戰勝時的趾高氣揚喧閙與遭受挫折時的唉聲歎氣. 戰火燃點的煙柱比我們的高塔還要高; 那是燒著了船和焚燒屍體的煙.
赫庫芭, 我的母親, 教導我們要在哀傷與失落中仍要挺起胸膛. 而我們喪失的真是很多. 她失去了她不少的兒子, 我的兄長們. 我時常令她失望, 原因是我品性不是一個逆來順受的女孩子. 縱使我盡了力, 我仍禁不住因某些人出戰後不再回來而落淚.
戰爭再不是從遠處望去如戲劇的事. 在這九年時光的某一點上, 我的童真在不失不覺中消亡. 在年年征戰中, 一個小公主由無憂無慮的幼虫蛻變成對每一變化都具警覺的粉蝶. 父王母后都很疼我, 因為我是他們年紀最小的女兒, 而且他們說我長得特別美麗. 他們試圖以這大愛給我保護免我沾及城門外的血雨腥風. 但你是絕不可能如此長期把這麼多的苦難與我隔離的.
我真的希望生為男兒可以執戈衛國, 即使戰死沙場也在所不惜. 但這只是妄想. 我體質難以使動兵器, 甚至引弓也力不從心. 但我懂得騎馬. 怎說也好, 我是赫托的胞妹, 而他是特洛伊中最好的馴馬者.
我觀察, 我學習, 我成長.
我是波吕克塞娜, 普里阿摩斯的女兒, 特洛伊的公主.

(二)

九年的征戰, 卻不代表每天都是血戰不休的.
誠如此, 雙方的戰士早就會死光了. 一場戰鬥結束, 在另一場開始前往往只是對峙, 在某神祉的節日會舉行競技會, 又或者在遠方盟軍到達時會大排筵席飽吃一頓.
我方一直相信終取得最後勝利 特洛伊城牆高聳堅厚, 而且依傳說是由天神所築, 因此固若金湯. 我城亦友邦遍天下, 反觀希臘人是孤軍犯境. 而如果單單友誼未足以使援軍前來協助, 父王在城中國庫的藏金也是吸引外援的好手段. 這是我數代人累積得來的財富: 特洛伊城的位置得天獨厚, 處於來往的商隊必經之路. 此地又盛產銅與煉製武器必須用的錫, 而如果我們切斷錫的供應, 希臘人連製造武器也將會有困難了. 可能這才是他們派遣過千戰船來犯的真正原因. 阿格門農很清楚: 特洛伊城不墮, 希臘人永難成這一帶的霸主.
於是戰事 一年一年的拖下去. 拉鋸使雙方都付出沉重的代價. 不止一次大家都覺得乾脆點讓王子巴里斯與海倫原本的丈夫決鬥作一個了斷. 但巴里斯不是戰士的料子, 他還未交手就逃之夭夭. 也虧他身輕腳快, 對手就是追他不及. 長兄赫托覺得自己的弟弟丟人極了, 於是插手加入戰團, 這一來, 個人決鬥變成了大流血. 又一次回到拉鋸了.
在此, 我就不再說阿喀琉斯, 希臘軍中最勇猛的人如何因一個俘虜而跟阿格門農反目, 繼而拒絕出戰, 以及後來長兄赫托誤認阿喀琉斯的摯友帕特羅克洛斯為阿喀琉斯本人把他在戰場上擊殺再剝奪他身上借自他好友與愛人的盔甲的事了. 這些我都沒有目睹, 而是因母親向我下了禁足城牆的命令而經他人轉述的.
我是在赫托, 特洛伊城的支柱, 在Scaean 門外命喪在他此生的宿敵長矛下開始才被捲入這場戰爭的.
赫托倒下的情景對整個特洛伊城來說不啻於天崩地裂. 我母親再也不能保持一貫的冷靜假面了: 她撕破了自己的胸衣嚎然大哭. 我和卡珊德拉 衝上了城牆, , 在那裡, 赫托妻子手抱著他們的嬰兒Astyanax慘號著.
我從城垛之間望下去, 看見一箭之外處兄長大字型的仰臥在地, 他那華美的盔甲已被勝利的對手剝下. 即使已被死神接走的赫托仍是不失特洛伊三軍之冠的威嚴. 雖然有一段距離, 我仍可以看到他張開的眼睛的眼白, 好像他是要再看看心愛妻子安德洛瑪刻和他的兒子最後一面. 他的胴體膚色蒼白, 上面佈滿多年浴血沙場的傷痕. 我們可以看到那被對手刺入取去性命處深紅的一片. 刺入的長矛剛被拔出. 阿喀琉斯正把兄長的雙足用繩縛到一起, 接著, 全城上下在看到他們敬愛的王子被對手縛在他戰車之後再快馬加鞭中被拖行而發出絕望的哀號. 他拖著赫托的屍體繞城三周, 在沙土及岩石上留下可怕的血路..
「不! 求你行行好啊!」 母親在城上悲鳴.
父親有生以來第一次在我面前哭了.
安德洛瑪刻 以手掩臉, 她仍未知已喪父的兒子已這時在海倫懷中哭起來.
我沒有哭.
如果我的目光可化為毒箭, 我會向阿波羅神祈求百步穿楊的射藝把殺兄者一箭畢命. 即使我要付出從此失明的代價也在所不惜. 特洛伊城最引以為傲的已遭毀滅, 我的眼睛留不來又有什麼用? 我恨他. 我會一生一世的恨他!
「我會殺了他!」我低聲道.
一只手落在我肩上 是卡珊德拉的.
「你會把他推向死亡的. 然後, 他也會把你引領向死神的國度.」
我轉向她, 完全不明白她所說的話. 我是因悲憤而立誓. 但以手無縛雞之力的我如何能把他殺死? 即使我是一名戰士也不能成事, 如果連赫托也死於他手下, 我又算什麼?  而他如果真的被我殺死了, 又如何會把我引領去死神之地? 我不相信鬼魂復仇之說. 但即使我相信真的有鬼魂作祟, 我也毫不猶疑下那毒誓. 我以亡兄的血起誓.
就在那一刻, 他把戰車停下來了, 就站立在我們前方. 好像是要向我們揚威耀武般, 他摘下了他的戰盔, 把他的一頭金髮弄散了. 我們的眼神接上了, 我感到全身冰冷.
在那雙眼睛中我看到一些別的人看不到的東西.
那是我和他共同擁有的.
它的名字叫寂寞.

(三)

我父, 國王普里阿摩斯, 孤身前往阿喀琉斯的營帳中乞求他發還我兄長赫托的屍體.
他最後答應了, 但要求贖價.
那是一筆天文數字.
「如果你的黃金不足, 就把波吕克塞娜公主也投進去湊數吧.」他說.
「你當然不能去!」母親堅決反對.
「為什麼?」
「為什麼? 你是一名公主啊. 你以為他要你過營居心何在?」
我直視她的眼睛, 說「吾父作為一國之主都願意孤身犯險前往殺子仇人營帳中乞屍, 他是一國之君, 身繫國家安危之首尚如此. 你又何以會願以獨惜一臂?」
我母親無言以對: 我的理據和從未發生過的忤逆她意願令她震驚了.
巴里斯也勸我不要意氣用事, 但我已下了決心.
我把身體投進了裝滿國庫中日漸枯竭的黃金的車子上. 我聽到背後響起的哭泣聲, 但我沒有回頭.
六名阿喀琉斯的手下戰士把我送到他的營帳去. 我的生命不曾受到任何威脅. 沒有人會愚蠢地打阿格琉斯戰利品的主意.
「我依你的要求來贖我兄長的屍體了,」 這次是我第一次站得如此接近他. 我現在可看清楚他了: 他長得不難看, 高高的鼻樑, 大部份向下彎的嘴角令人聯想到一種揮之不去的哀愁, 然後是那雙寂寞的淺藍眼睛.
「你真的膽子不少呢, 波吕克塞娜. 你孤身過來沒有想到你的安危嗎?」
「我早置個人安危於度外, 我只是希望你言而有信. 黃金和普里阿摩斯的女兒都依約送到了.」
他笑了. 「我會履行諾言的. 你父親可以在黎明把你兄長的遺骸帶回去. 可是你必須留在我帳中三晚.」
我垂下頭, 默許了.
「進入我的帳子吧,「 他命令.
我跟隨他進了他的營帳.
帳內空間比我想像大, 雖然簡樸得很.
裡面有另一個女孩子.
「Briseis.」
我點點頭. 這就是阿喀琉斯和希臘人統帥阿格門農不和的起因吧. 因為她, 阿格琉斯拒絕出戰導致他的好友愛人和我兄長相繼被殺.
「她很美麗. 為什麼你仍要我?」我問.
阿格琉斯瞄了那女子一眼. 「你與她不同.」他說
我可以看出那女子被這話刺傷了. 她一定很愛他
「我們先喝喝酒吧. 拿些酒來.」
Briseis 服從了. 在她眼中沒有憤怨, 只有一種聽天由命的無奈.
我為她感到一陣難過.
她出了營帳去把酒準備了. 我感到心臟狂跳, 即將發生的事不言而喻.
他一定看穿了我的心意了, 乾笑了一聲.
「你會打算把殺兄的人了結嗎?」
我一臉飛紅. 我確曾這樣想過.卡珊德拉的預言更是使我心動. 但我很快就打消了它. 如果我在雙方休戰時刺殺了他會是對諸神大大不敬. 何況, 我成功機會微乎其微.
「我身為女子, 如何有能力傷害到戰無不勝的阿喀琉斯?」我語調中不無帶諷刺地說.
「為什麼這樣說? 我也是血肉之軀. 雖然, 他們說我母親是一名仙女.」 他把橫放在裝肉和水果的碟子上的刀放在我的手中.
我們對視. 我不能說我絲毫不動過念頭: 一刀直刺他心窩…
他在笑聲中把刀挪走了. 「即使你有心殺我, 你也應瞄著這一處.」他指向他的一只足踝.
我大惑不解.
「這是我一身中的死穴.」
我更不明白.
「當我山生時,」他解釋說. 「我母親為了使我刀槍不入把我的身體浸入冥河中. 可是她抓著的這個地方沒有沾到冥河的水.」
「你為什麼要告訴我這些?」
「就看看我能否信任你. 你是唯一知道我這秘密的人.如果你想, 你可以出賣我」
我內心一陣震動. 這就是卡珊德拉 說的預言的原因? 如果我告訴他人他的致命弱點在哪兒, 可能我們的戰士可以利用這訊息把他置諸死地. 當然, 要接近他把武器刺入那一丁方談何容易?
「你可以殺了我. 死去的女孩不會說出你的秘密.」
他仰天大笑. 「我沒有殺過女人. 雖然曾有一名妙齡少女因我而死. 是阿格門農的女兒. 他父親把她獻祭了好讓大軍的艦隊可以得到起行之風. 那可憐的女子原先以為來到軍營中是作我的新娘子.」
「多無情的父親.」
「也許吧. 你多大了?」
「十八. 」
「呵, 和我的兒子一樣歲數.」
「你有兒子?」
「是啊, 在我自己的國家中. 他的名字叫奈奧普托勒姆斯.」
我們在沉默中對坐了一會.
是我打破這僵局的.
「我是你要求的贖金一部份, 你要我嗎?」
這次他沒有笑了
他把我扶起, 再解開我長袍子上的結. 那薄薄的衣物掉到地上. 我全裸的站在他面前了.
「你真的很美. 你是處女?」
我點頭.
如果不是這場戰爭, 父親也許早就把我許配給一個追求我的王子, 甚至一國之君了,
他把他的雙手按在我裸露的酥胸上, 輕輕把乳尖盈握.
我本以為他會很粗暴的.
他把我拉向他, 同時扯下了他自己的襠布. 我們的唇接上了. 這是我除了給父母和兄弟姊妹外的初吻. 我掙扎了一點可是他的手摟著我的腰, 而另一只手繼續撫摩我的身體. 我在他的雙臂中像溶化掉了. 於是他把我抱上他的床. 我半閉眼睛, 張開雙腿讓他上了我. 他的陽具有如他的戰矛般堅挺, 他開始突入時我感到痛楚中叫了一聲.
「不用怕, 我的小花. 我只在戰場上才有如猛獸.」
他沒有騙我. 我從沒有想過做愛可以如此美妙, 最少和殺兄的人不應如此.
他騎在我身上衝刺, 把我驅向我從未感愛過的亢奮. 我把他的頭拉開一點把它引向吸啜我的乳蒂. 當他最終把我的處女膜弄破時, 我以一個女人的身份發出了呻吟---他的女人.
他把我留在他帳中三天當中我們一次又一次的行雲雨之歡.
三天之後, 我竟有點不捨了.
「答應我不要再傷害我的家人.」
他在微笑中以指頭輕拂我臉. 「不可能的. 我是戰士. 戰士的命運就是殺戮或是被殺. 當我軍戰勝 我會娶你為妻.」
「你們不會戰勝的.」我說 卡珊德拉 的話在我腦中響起.
直覺告訴我他不會活到這場戰爭結束之時.
「怎樣也好吧,」他回答說. 「現在你必須回去了. 再見, 我的小雲雀, 直至我們聚首.」

(四)

我回到特洛伊城, 剛好趕及參加赫托馴馬者的喪禮.

戰爭持續. 王室旁系的Aeneas王子接替了赫托遺下的指揮權 他早前娶了我姐姐Creusa. 他是餘下的戰士中最優秀的了..

陸續有盟友前來助陣. 其中一人就是阿瑪遜女王彭特茜莉亞. 她率領了近千年輕貌美的女戰士前來. 城中一時被這許多美麗女子渲染得艷光處處. 可是當她們的女王出場時, 所有的女子都黯然失色了. 在我一生中遇到的女子當中, 海倫無疑是艷壓群芳的, 然後是我已遠嫁的姊姊Lodice, 卡珊德拉 也屬美女, 最少她的病沒有發作時是如此. 但彭特茜莉亞與眾不同. 她是艷光四射. 在白色外衣上罩上阿瑪遜人輕便的青銅胸甲及腰間的短裙子的女王光釆奪人. 也許海倫仍是略勝一籌, 但這斯巴達的前王后是屬於完全不同的品種: 海倫弱不禁風, 我見猶憐; 阿瑪遜人的女王卻是剛健勇武中不失女性的嫵媚. 她曾公開地立誓要手刃阿喀琉斯好為她在狩獵中曾誤殺自己姊姊贖罪.
「愚蠢的女人,」 安德洛瑪刻 在她背後逆她: 「連赫托也沒法做到的, 她憑什麼? 她注定被阿喀琉斯殺死後成為飛鳥的食糧吧.」
卡珊德拉 乾笑了一聲. 說: 「她是戰神的女兒. 如果有女子可以殺死阿喀琉斯, 就非她莫屬.」
我轉向我姊姊, 道: 「但你曾道…」
她打斷了我的插話. 「天意難測. 諸神不一定只有一種方式去取一個凡人性命的.」 在我們未及回話前, 她已拂袖而去.
我望向彭特茜莉亞, 而她也朝我望來.
「你就是波吕克塞娜? 聽說你身價賽比黃金.」
我垂下頭 我很想恨她: 她會是阿喀琉斯的勁敵. 但我發覺我恨不了: 她太美麗了.
「告訴我, 你有什麼可以讓我知道關於他的?」
「陞下 我不明白你所指的是什麼?」
她仰天一笑; 和阿喀琉斯在他帳中的動作竟如此相似.
「沒關係, 美女.」然後她把臉湊了過來在我耳畔毫.「如果不是明早我就要出戰, 我一定會向你父王要求讓你到我帳中渡一個晚上. 我們兩個女人可以談談心.」
她甜美的聲音與充滿挑逗的語言令我一臉飛紅.
「那是我的榮幸吧.」我回答說.
「好的. 美女. 待我戰回來慶功之後吧.」
說完, 她就把我丟在長廊中獨自離去了.
我徹夜難眠.
阿喀琉斯有可能死在阿瑪遜人女王矛下令我忐忑不安.
不, 我也不想彭特茜莉亞被殺.
我知道我掌握勝敗的關鍵. 如果我告訴她有關他足踝的事, 她就可能會獲勝. 如此, 我導至他死亡的預言就會成真, 而阿瑪遜女王可以殺死希臘軍最偉大戰士的預言亦實現了.
如我保持緘默, 女王戰死的可能性就大增. 她雖然戰技高超, 但對一全身除了足踝外刀槍不入的對手她會毫無勝算.

黎明時我聽到了號角聲.
我快步走向女王的寢室但她已離開. 在旁邊有另一副鎧甲, 我不經思索就穿上了. 鎧甲完全合我的身型. 我把帽盔戴上然後乘馬逕自走向城門. 在那裡, 阿瑪遜人正列陣待發.
沒有人懷疑其中一人竟是特洛伊的一位公主
主力己開始向山下平原移動. 我加速趕上了第三排的女戰士. 兩個女戰士朝我望過來卻沒有說什麼.
「準備衝鋒!」命令傳下了.
我們把馬驅至快步前進.
在匆忙中, 我連武器也沒帶上, 只拿了一面月牙形的盾牌. 當然, 即使有武器我也不懂如何使用. 但手無寸鐵, 我的心就更不踏實了.
「如果我注定要死在戰場上, 也認命了吧, 」我對自己說. 「說不定是由他親手把我殺掉呢.」
普里阿摩斯 和母親知道我被殺一定會很悲傷, 但這時如箭在弦無法回頭了.
我們爭先恐後的衝向希臘人錠船的灘頭. 我可以看到彭特茜莉亞帶領她的女戰士突破了希臘人的外圍防線. 雖然我不懂武功, 卻是個出色的騎手.是長兄赫托親自教導我的. 我追上了第二排的戰士, 再趕上了前排的, 直至我緊隨在女王後方.
如果她發現了是我, 她沒有把我說破.
事實上也沒時間去分心了. 希臘人已派兵堵塞缺口.
我們突破了第二圈防線把一些船燃點起了.
當然, 我沒有親手幹: 我是不會做出任何可能傷害他的事情的.
然後我聽到阿喀琉斯麾下的Myrmidons的獨有喊殺聲.
阿喀琉斯正率領他的戰士朝我們衝殺過來.
「小不點, 小心了!」 女王笑著說. 原來她是知道我在這兒的. 她向前猛進. 我剛要追上去, 我的座騎卻前蹄揪起. 我看到一支箭已沒入我座騎的腹部! 我試圍從馬背上躍下, 可是已經遲了.  我的左腿被那死了的馬理著.  我想我的腿一定是斷了,但後來發現可以緩緩移動, 原來沒有重傷. 即是如此,我仍是危象橫生. 腿部被壓著, 四周激戰, 任何一個敵人都可輕易上前割斷我的咽喉.
在這窘態中, 我唯有靜觀其變, 聽天由命.
很多希臘人被殺. 但阿瑪遜人亦有不少戰死了.
我看到其中之一名少女在鞍上被人斬下首級; 另一人被敵兵從馬背上拖下時衣甲不整. 她好不容易回復過來跪在地上, 看看已無生理於是就把衣襟扯下露出胸脯讓敵人一矛刺入她的乳房. 她的戰友馬上替她復仇把兇手殺了, 可是這個女戰士又馬上被殺了: 一柄雙刃斧砍進她的乳溝. 她甫一離鞍就被斬下了首級.
我仍未能把足從馬屍下拉出來. 一個希臘人發現了我就拔出了劍向我走來. 我在完全無助中渾身冷汗. 但他沒有走到可以把我擊殺的距離就被一擲斧劈進了前額倒下死掉. 我轉身看到阿瑪遜人的女王向我閃著微笑.
然後我看到了另一個人: 阿喀琉斯!
「在你後方!」我大聲叫.
彭特茜莉亞及時轉身應戰.
戰神的女兒果然堪與希臘最勇猛的戰士匹敵.
「如果有女子可以殺死阿喀琉斯, 就非她莫屬.」 卡珊德拉曾說.
她是對的, 幾乎全對.
她三次以矛刺擊都割破他的皮膚使他流血, 只是無法做成致命的傷害. 她正要再擲出第三支矛時, 矛斷折了, 於是她就把矛拋棄了, 把手轉向腰間的短劍. 阿喀琉斯卻沒有給她機會. 他的長矛刺出, 阿瑪遜人女王一聲哀號中翻身落馬. 她仍可以再站起來, 企圖再戰. 但她的對手比她更快的把劍刺入她的左方乳房. 她在慢慢跪下的動作中帶著類似深情地仰望著他. 他把劍刃扭動, 這痛苦再不是她能強忍的了. 喘氣中, 這戰士女王向後倒下. 我看著他一步一步向她走去, 這和我在營中認識的阿喀琉斯判若兩人. 正如他所說: 在戰場上他只是一頭猛獸.
他沒有注意到我.
當他的部下把阿瑪遜戰士一一宰掉時, 他彎下身把女王身上的鎧甲剝奪了. 於是她的美麗身軀就赤裸在他目光下. 她雖已死亡, 胴體卻仍是如此美麗和具誘惑. 我看到他跪在屍體旁飲泣起來. 然後, 他上了她. 我不敢相信我的眼睛: 他在所有人面前把她屍姦!
當他完了事, 他站了起來, 望向已被他污辱的胴體.
這時另一個臉目可憎的希臘人前來. 他說了些侮辱的話. 阿喀琉斯隨即一拳打在這人面上. 我急忙以手掩口制止自己驚呼出來, 因為我看到那人的牙齒全都被打掉了. 我知道那人已馬上死掉.
在狂怒中, 阿喀琉斯把女王的裸體雙足縛起再繫到他戰車後方 我知道他要幹什麼: 就如同他對赫托做的一樣 她的屍體被拖過平原前向那混濁的斯甘萬德河走去. 那兒將是這勇敢善戰的女王長眠之所.
我在極度疲憊與絕望中躺下去. 如果任何敵人上前, 我一定會讓他割斷我的咽喉. 但這沒有發生. 戰鬥已結束, 勝利者正撿集他們的戰利品. 戰死的阿瑪遜人身上的衣甲都被剝下了. 那些因受傷而被俘的馬上被割喉殺掉. 兩名女戰士為避免被俘而倒向自己的劍尖自盡. 他們遲早會發現我的: 不是被他們殺死就是押回去當女奴. 如果他們把我殺掉, 會否像阿喀琉斯對女王所作的一樣把我屍姦?
我沒法知道. 天空突然降雨. 希臘人匆匆搜索一下就收隊回營. 過了一會, 少量沒有戰死的女戰士發現了我把我從馬屍下拖了出來.
「我認得你, 你是特洛伊的公主波吕克塞娜. 回到你的城吧.」倖存者的隊長對我說.
「那, 你們呢?」我問.
她們沒有回答, 把我放在馬背上再狠狠一拍馬的臀部.
當馬向城走去時, 我聽到背後重物墜地之聲. 我回首一看望見她們都互相以匕首刺入對方心臟.
彭特茜莉亞女王帶來的女戰士就全部如此玉碎.

(五)

我發了三天高燒, 與死亡只隔一線.
但冥府之神還沒有打算接收我的靈魂. 而我仍年輕, 於是很快就復原了.
在病榻上我聽到不少事情. 全城都為女王戰敗而沮喪. 他們試圖從巨蠑河把女至的屍體撈回來, 但河水混濁不堪, 要在希臘人眼底完成是不可能的事. 於是他們就只為她舉行了象徵式喪禮, 以她的衣甲代替遺體.
我為她而哭了.
這是如此可悲的下場: 戰死沙場沒什麼大不了, 可是被殺她的人當侮辱和姦污卻又是另一回事. 她不應該有這樣的下場啊. 後來我才明白為什麼阿喀琉斯會這樣做.
「他是希望把她認作自己的妻妾, 他是喜歡她的.」海倫解釋.
「但為什麼他要把她的遺體拋進泥沼中?」
「在他與她交媾後, 那只是一具屍體了. 而他必須向所有的希臘人展示他不是娘兒腔.」
於是, 彭特茜莉亞就這樣陣亡了. 我總是覺得她會希望把我弄上床多和我的阿喀琉斯有肌膚之親.
對, 是「我的」阿喀琉斯.
雖然我看到了他獸性的一面, 我現在知道我是深愛他,
我不再恨他了, 也不嫉忌吃醋.
他的本性就是愛所有美麗的東西: 不論是生前死後.
他對彭特茜莉亞的褻辱沒有減褪我對他的愛火.

我也隱隱感到赫托不恨他. 那是一場公平的決鬥, 勢均力敵. 兄長輸了. 如果他贏了, 也許會對對手作出同樣的事
當然我把這想法收在心中. 不是所有人都可以不論敵友, 以大愛看事情的.
我絕不會傷害他; 即使要我的命也不會.
可是, 人算總不如天算.
在一個黃昏, 我在枕下發現一封信
他稱我為他的「小雲雀」. 那是他在分別時對我說的, 我沒有告訴任何人 因此信當是他的無疑.
他約我在黎明時在城外的太陽神神廟相見.
我赴約了, 而他正在等待我.
我們擁抱.
「我所愛的, 什麼事你要約我在此見面?」他問.
我呆住了.
「不是你約我嗎?」我有你的信.」
「我也有你的信.」
馬上, 我們知道中計了.
「阿喀琉斯! 跑! 快跑!」
但太遲了.
巴理斯和三名弓箭手已拉弓搭箭.
「波吕克塞娜, 你站到一旁!」
在恐慌中, 我以身軀掩護阿喀琉斯, 飛撲到他足踝上: 那是他唯一的致命點.
我的想法是: 如果我用身體擋著, 他們就殺不了他.
我估計錯了.
巴理斯看到我奮不顧身去維護死敵, 在憤怒中向我後心狠狠放箭. 我應該被他射殺的. 我不後悔. 能為他死, 我甘心. 可是阿喀琉斯卻不如此想. 他在最後關頭把我推開. 箭, 就正正沒入他的足踝!
我尖叫.
巴理斯正想拔出匕首把他了結, 但希臘人已趕到, 於是巴理斯就把我從受了致命傷的阿喀琉斯身上扯走. 我又叫又踢但毫無效果. 我最後看到的是Briseis跪在阿喀琉斯的屍體旁由匕首插進她自己的心房.
到此, 我已明白是誰出賣了我們. 她是唯一在場聽到我們對話, 聽到阿喀琉斯稱我為「他的小雲雀的」人.
不, 我也不恨她. 她根本沒有傷害她所愛的人的意思.
她以為阿喀琉斯刀槍不入, 即使被伏擊, 死的只會是我. 即使我沒有被自己人所殺, 阿喀琉斯也可能誤以為是我出賣他而把我殺掉. 但命運卻和我們開了個殘酷的玩笑. 而即使是如阿喀琉斯的蓋世英雄也逃不了他的宿命.


(六)


他死後 我失魂落魄.
卡珊德拉是唯一能安慰我的.
「妹妹, 不要悲傷. 終局將至. 你是幸運的. 我們將永遠離開特洛伊, 而獨是你卻可以永遠留在這兒.」
又一個啞謎.
我不明所以, 也不關心.
終局來得比我們想像快.
巴理斯被殺了, 死於箭下. 善用箭者死於箭.
然後是沙灘上的一幕: 巨大的希臘木馬, 對於是否把它納入城中的劇烈爭論, 卡珊德拉 又作出一個沒人相信的預言. 一切成了定局. 木馬進入了特洛伊城.
他們晚上回師反撲, 我們的人因狂飲而酩酊大醉. 木馬的活門打開, 奇兵如從天降, 拉開了十年來他們無法攻破的城門
我被四周殺戮之聲驚醒. 我沒有恐慌, 我早知這是無法扭轉的宿命. 當我發現父王屍首時, 我哭了. 也好, 他被一劍終命, 沒受太多苦楚. 死亡總比成為奴隸好. 他曾是一國之君.
 
Astyanaz  我長兄赫托的獨生子, 被他們從高塔上擲下腦肝塗地. 他的母親安德洛瑪刻, 連同我母后赫庫芭和姊姊卡珊德拉及其他王室婦女都成了俘虜. 卡珊德拉 的遭遇很悲慘. 她的女祭師袍在太陽神殿中被撕破露出乳房: 顯然是被強暴了. 強暴她的人, 小Ajax, 也不得好死. 他因犯下惡行觸了神怒而葬身大海. 卡珊德拉 如同行屍走肉般喃喃道: 「巨斧鋒利, 斬下一次後, 將再斬下.」 我寧願不明白她說的話是什麼意思.
奈奧普托勒姆斯 走向我. 他酷似他的父親, 只是較年輕. 但也只是形似. 他沒有他父親的風釆.
「我要你!」他指向我.
「要我作什麼? 你會把你父親曾弄上床的女人污辱嗎? 你不覺羞恥?」 我直視他.
他滿臉通紅地走了.
我知道事情不會就此了結.
不久, 奧狄修斯向我走來. 他的眼睛充滿哀傷.
「波吕克塞娜. 奈奧普托勒姆斯說他父親托夢給他, 要把你在他父親墳前作祭品. 否則, 大軍無法回故鄉.」
我乾笑一聲. 鬼話連篇. 阿喀琉斯當年因伊斐貞妮亞之死而內疚不已, 又怎會要求另一次人祭?
但我不駁斥他. 對我來說, 這是求之不得.
「你會把他推向死亡的. 然後, 他也會把你引領向死神的國度.」Cassandsra曾預言我的命運. 現在我完全明白了.
我為保護他反而令他喪生, 現在我我將在他墳頭上成為祭品..
「你將永不用離開特洛伊.」卡珊德拉也說過 當然, 她是對的. 因為我將死在這兒.
我和母親, 姊姊, 海倫告別, 然後跟從奧狄修斯前往我心愛的阿喀琉斯的墓.
奈奧普托勒姆斯 已和其他希臘戰士等待著.
我愛人的兒子會親手把我獻祭.
我被領到他跟前面向所有人. 他一手就把我的袍子扯下, 讓我上半身赤裸, 他本以為這可以羞云 我. 我卻昂首而立.
「父親一定會很高興,」他的眼球貪婪地在我胸脯上遊移時說.
我沒有回答, 免得他自鳴得意.
他把我轉向側立, 讓我左半身向著那一堆亂石.
我看到他手中的祭刀. 它最少有九至十掌長, 比我纖細的頸的直徑還要長得多. 他把刃尖抵著我向眾人那面的頸
我清楚接著有什麼事會發生. 他會一刀刺入直沒至刀鍔再讓刀刃從另一方突出. 在我於劇痛昏死過去之前, 他們把刀向後抽出少許卻不會把整個刃部抽離. 如此, 我的鮮血將從我左方頸部噴出把亂石染紅. 當石上已有足夠的血時, 他才會把刀拔出讓我的屍體倒在臨時祭壇上. 然後他會扯去我纏在腰間的袍子使我全裸. 在祭壇旁的柴堆會被點起, 而我的屍體將被燒成灰燼. 最後我的骨灰將被灑在他的墓石上.
我已毫不畏怯. 我不知道什麼在死亡之後等待著我, 沒有人從冥界回來. 我只希望諸神慈悲,讓他在陰間迎接我. 可能Briseis會在他身邊, 她以死謝罪已清消她的背叛而終可長伴他身旁. 我對此沒有不滿. 也許彭特茜莉亞也會在那兒. 而她會對我微笑並眨眼示意要和我共渡巫山. 無論如何, 我將會長眠故鄉泥土下. 雖然城已破, 高塔已傾, 在我眼中這仍是永遠最美麗之地.
我在夜空中深深吸了最後一口氣.
「你是否已準備好了?」阿喀琉斯的兒子問.
我向他點頭.

(完)

小土豆的中英文小说很有特色，在论坛独树一帜，实在是难得的绝好文章。

Polyxena----Princess of Troy



(1 )

I remember the day when all these began.
I was nine, and had to rely on someone to hold me up before I could peep over the battlement on the citadel of Troy.  It must have been one of my brothers, I forgot that part.  Something more dramatic was getting hold of my attention.
It was a beautiful dawn when the first line of ships broke the horizon. I side-glanced at my father and saw him gulp down his shock and surprise. There were so many of them, galleons with full sails displaying the insignia of renowned chiefs: Ithaca, Sparta, Mycenae among many more.  Oars on both sides of the vessels dipped and rose, adding speed to the menacing crafts of war.  And after the first line, there more, many more.
“There must be more than a thousand ships!” Some exclaimed.  Heads turned, icy eyes gazed at the undiplomatic speaker.  Nothing hurt more than such stark truth.
Only Cassandra, my elder sister, remained perfectly still, nodding slowly as she cast her green eyes over the vast blue waves now littered with ships.  Cassandra was right again, though nobody ever believed her prophesies until they came to pass.  They said she was both blessed and cursed by her patron god Apollo: blessed so that she could see into the future, cursed in that she was never taken seriously.
“This will bring war and destruction to Troy!” she had declared in one of her fits on the same day when Paris brought Helen into the great hall of our palace. Her accusing finger pointed at the new bride of my brother.  She was also the former queen of Sparta from where she had eloped with my brother.  
They said she was the most beautiful woman in the world.  In a way, I could not demur. Her head with its tumbling golden fleece, a face so fair, shoulders so slender, bosom so full and proudly erect, a waist that seemed easily held by two hands, she was in every way everything a man would desire.  But there was more than physical beauty that made her so special.  Helen was irresistible as she possessed a unique quality that would arouse the desire of any man to willingly lay down his life to protect her. It was present in every tiny movement she made: the down-casting of her eyes as if in deep sorrow, the turn of her exquisite neck, a whisper, a sigh.  The hardest hearts would melt.  Even my father, who had seen so much of the world and countless beautiful women, was no exception. He should have sent her back.  He was determined to send her back. Once he looked into her eyes, he knew he could never bear to give that order.  
So, the Greeks came.  Her former husband Menelaus, came. Agememnon, brother of Menelaus, High King of the Greeks, came. Odyssey of Ithaca, the most cunning of the lot, came. And Achilles, the most feared leader of the Myrmidons, came.
Hector, my brother and designated heir of my father, later told me that the Greeks would come no matter if Paris brought back Helen or not.  Agememnon’s ambition to control the trade lanes made war between Greece and Troy inevitable.  Helen was only his long-waited excuse. That might be true.  Nevertheless, they came in her name: a face that launched a thousand ships and spilled rivers of blood on our shores.
The first line of ships had neared the shallow coast.  I saw the first of the foes jumped down from the side and waded ashore, daring others follow him. This Greek slew four of our men, two of them my half-brothers, before he was struck down.  I later learned that he was called Protesilaus, and he was honored for willingly be the first to land as an oracle had declared that the first one to do so would be the first to fall.  
I saw the lines came closer and closer: the Greeks surging up the beach and our men rushing down to try pushing them back into the sea.  I saw men fall, blood spilt, armour of the fallen removed by victors, the white naked bodies of the victims left on the sand awashed by incoming tides.  All these I saw on a spot so high, so removed was I from the cries of pain, the horror of deaths that my eyes were drawn towards the play of slaughter down below.  
“Take her back to the palace.  It is no scene suitable for a young girl.” Priam, my father roared.  
Against my will I was pulled back from the battlements and hushed back to the security of my chamber.  
“Do not worry, my child.  It would soon be over. Hector will drive them back into the sea,” my mother whispered into my ear.
But she was wrong.
It was not over, not for a long while.
For the next nine years, Troy was under siege. There were countless battles in which more people died, among them many I held dear.  Forever my life was changed.  The leisure of quiet summer evenings filled with sweet songs were gone, replaced by the sound of battle-drums and trumpets, cries declaring victories or moans of despair at set-backs. Smoke columns rivaled the height of our tall towers: smoke from burning ships and pyres cremating the dead.
Hecuba, my mother, taught us how to uphold our courage and dignity even in face of great sadness and loss.  And great losses there had been.  She had lost many of her sons, my brothers.  I often disappointed her, for it was not in my nature to act stoic in face of grief. Although I tried hard to keep back my tears, they would seep out each time a close one failed to return.
War, had become more than stage-plays from afar. Somewhere along these nine years, my childish innocence died. In the midst of war, a princess metaphoric from a carefree larvae to butterfly, always on the alert of sudden perils, or ill-tidings. My parents were kind to us, I especially, as I was their youngest, a girl, and one with exceptional beauty, so they told me.  With such love they had tried to shield me from the bloodshed just outside our gates.  But you could never shut out sufferings like that, not of this magnitude, not for so many years long.
I had wished to be born a male, a prince-warrior who could put up a bronze armour and take share in the battle-line, fighting for our people and if necessary, fall heroically, like so many of my kin.  But this was not to be.  I was too weak to bear arms and could hardly have the strength to draw a bow.  I could ride though.  After all, I am a sister of Hector, the tamer of horses.
I watched.  I learned.  I grew.
I am Polyxena, daughter of Priam, princess of Troy.

(2)

It was impossible to fight on every single day for nine years.  
Should that be the case, there would not be enough warriors from either side to be slain  Fierce battles were inter-spaced by quieter days of stand-offs, games on special occasions such as divine days of certain gods or goddesses, and even feasts when an ally from afar would join us.  
The confidence that we would prevail was always there.  The walls of Troy were high and reputedly could not be breached. We had so many allies who were no friends of the Greeks.  And if friendship might not be a strong reason to bring our allies to fight on our side. There was an abundance of gold in my father’s coffer.  For Troy was rich, its riches the result of three generations of trade, the city sited in a commanding position at the throat of caravan routes. Copper and tin mines brought us further wealth and Greece armor would be hard to make without our supply of tin.  Perhaps this was a more important reason to have brought the thousand ships.  Agememnon knew: if Troy stands, Greece will always remain in a shadow.
Year after year the war dragged on with neither side coming out as victor.  The stalemate was proving insufferable for both sides and there had been more than one occasion that a more straight-forward way was proposed to end the war.  Personal duels between Paris, the wrong-doer and Menelaus, the wronged were arranged with Helen as trophy.  But Paris was no fighter and instead of fighting to the bitter end, he chose to flee, relying on his light of feet to outrun his rival.  Indignant at the cowardice of his brother and yet not cruel enough to force the latter to be slaughtered in single combat, Hector intervened and a personal duel degenerated into general melee. More blood, more deaths.  Further stalemate.
I would not repeat how it came about that Achilles, the most fearsome of the enemy warriors withdrew from the fight, over the quarrel with Agamemnon, how his friend and rumored lover Patroclus was slain by Hector who had mistaken him for Achilles and once realizing the error, had stripped the fallen Patroclus of the armor which had been lent him by his lover-friend. All these I did not personally witnessed as I was ordered by my mother to stay inside the palace.  
I only joined the conflict in person when Hector, the bastion of Troy, fell under the spear of his born-rival as a warrior outside the Scaean Gates.
The wailing of the entire city at the sight of Hector falling onto the dust shook the foundation of Troy at its very roots. My mother could no longer put up her stoic façade as she tore her buxom attire to express her despair.  Together with Cassandra and I, we rushed up the ramparts and joined the wailing Andromache, holding tight the baby infant Astyanax.
I looked over the battlement and saw my brother lying spread-eagle just more than an arrow’s flight from the walls, his magnificent armor being stripped by the victor. In naked death, Hector still looked so worthy of the mightiest Trojan warrior. Even from the great distance, I could see the white of his eyes which had stayed open, as if pleading one last look at his beloved wife Andromache and Astyanax, their off-spring. His torso was so white with battle-scars here and there that he had gathered over the years of fighting. We could see the patch of crimson red over his chest, the point of entry by the blade of his opponent that took his life.  The weapon had since been withdrawn.  Achilles was now busy tying the feet of my brother together.  The whole city looked in horror as the body of our prince was towed behind the chariot of the victor, slowly at first before gaining speed as Achilles whipped his horses into gallop.  Three times round the city of Troy he went, the dead body of Hector trailed and bumped over rocks and sand, leaving streams of red in its path.
“No! Mercy!” My mother shouted over the walls.
My father, for the first time of his life, wept before me.
Andromache held her head with her hands in despair, Helen now having taken over the child who cried without knowing the reason for the clamor around him.
I did not cry.
If my sight could be turned into poisoned arrows, I would pray to Apollo to grant me the power to strike down the slayer of my brother, at the price of turning me blind ever after.  What was the use of sight now that the pride of Troy was destroyed?  
I hated him.  I would hate him as long as I live.
“I will kill him.” I whispered.
A hand landed on my shoulder.  It belonged to Cassandra.
“You will bring about his death.  And then, he will bring about yours.” She said.
I turned towards her, not fully comprehending.  When I swore, it was made out of spite.  How could I kill him when I was not even a warrior?  Even if I were trained in the arts of war, what chance could I have when even Hector failed?  And how could he bring about my death when he was dead himself?  I believed not in the vengeance sought by ghosts. But even if I did, nothing would stop me from taking his life.  I swore this over the blood of my brother.  
And then he stopped the chariot, just in front of the walls, directly facing the point where we stood.  As if showing off his vanity, he removed his helmet and shook loose his mane of golden hair.  Our eyes met, even in that great distance, and I felt a coldness down my spine.  
There was something in those eyes that nobody really noticed.
I did.
It was something we had in common.
It was loneliness.

(3)

My father, King Priam, went to the camp of Achilles to beg for the return of my brother’s mutilated corpse.
He finally agreed to this at a ransom.
The sum was staggering.
“If you do not have sufficient gold to satisfy my demand, you can throw in your youngest daughter, Polyxena I believe her name is, to fill the gap,” he had said

“You are not certainly going!” My mother was adamant.
“Why?”
“Why?  You are a princess! What do you think he wants to do with you?”
I looked into her eyes calmly and replied, “If my father, the King can risk his safety to go to the camp of the slayer of his son, why can I not do something to bring back the body of my brother?  A king is the head of the realm.  Why do you hesitate to offer an arm if you face the possible loss of the head?”
My mother was taken aback, both by my reasoning and my unprecedented rebellion.
Paris tried to talk me out of it too but I had made up my mind.

I hauled myself up the cart that was laden with gold artifices from the diminishing coffer. I heard weeping behind my back. I did not turn my head.  
The Myrmidons sent a squad of six to act as my escort.  But there was no threat of my security. It would be a very foolish man to try interception what was about to be Achilles’s.
“I have come for my brother, as you demanded.”  For the first time I was standing this close to him.  I could see him clearer now, a not bad-looking face, the high bridge nose, a mouth that curved downwards most of the time, giving an impression of perpetual sadness and the pale blue lonely eyes.
“You are indeed brave, Polyxena.  Are you not aware what can happen to you alone in my camp?”
“I care not for myself but that you will keep your bargain, now that the gold and the daughter of Priam are here, as you demanded.”
He laughed.  “I will keep my promise. Your father will return with what remains of your brother to Troy at dawn.  You, must stay for three nights here, as I told them.”
I lowered my head and acquiesced
“Enter my tent.” He ordered.
I followed him.  
The tent was more spacious than I thought though Spartan.
There was another girl inside.
“Briseis.”
I nodded.  So, this was the girl who was the cause of quarrel between Achilles and his High King, which sparked off the series of killings, ending in Hector’s.
“She is pretty.  Why do you still want me?” I asked.
Achilles threw a glance in the direction of the girl.  “You are different,” he said after a while.
I could tell the girl was hurt.  She must be in love with him very much.
“We will drink first.  Girl, bring us wine.”
Briseis did as she was told.  There was no resentment in her eyes, just resignation.  I felt pity for her.
She left after preparing the wine.
We drank in silence.  I could feel my heart beating very fast, knowing what would follow.
He must have seen through me.  He chuckled.
“Do you intend to put an end to the life of someone who had killed your brother?”
I blushed.  Such though had crossed my mind.  The prophecy of Cassandra had fueled it.  But I had quickly dismissed it.  It would be a sacrilege to act as assassin when I came under truce.  Moreover, my chance of success would be minimal.
“How can I, a woman, hurt the great Achilles?” I asked not without a tint of sarcasm.
“Why not?  I am mortal, though they said my mother is a goddess.” He picked up the knife on a plate of cut meat and placed it in my hand.  
We saw each other eye to eye.  I could not say the temptation did not exist.  A plunge into his chest and
He laughed and took the knife away. “Even if you decided to do it, you should aim here instead.” He pointed the blade towards his heel.
I was puzzled.
“That, would be my most vulnerable spot.”
“I cannot understand.”
“When I was born,” he explained “my mother Thetis tried to make me immortal by dipping me in the river Styx which would provide divine protection all over my body, except here, where she held me.”
“Why do you tell me this?”
“”To see if I can trust you.  You are the only person who knows my secret.  You have the power to betray me, if you want to.”
A shock went down my spine.  Was it this Cassandra prophesied about? If I told about his most vulnerable, there would be a chance that our warriors could put it to use. Though, of course, it would be very unlikely if anyone could come close enough to put a weapon on such tiny spot.
“You can kill me instead.  A dead girl tells no tale.”
He threw back his head and laughed. “I have never killed a woman, though a young maiden had died once because of me, Agamemnon’s daughter.  She was sacrificed to the goddess Artemis to appease her so that our army could set sail.  The poor girl was tricked to believe she was going to be my bride.”
“Cruel father.”
“Perhaps. How old are you?”
”Eighteen.”
“Agh, same age as my son.”
“You have a son?”
“Yes, back in my home kingdom.  His name is Neoptolemus.”
We sat in silence for a while.
It was I who broke the silence.
“I am your demanded ransom. Do you want me?”
This time he did not laugh.
Instead, he helped me up, untied the knot that kept my chiton in place.  The flimsy garment fell to the floor and I stood naked before him.
“You are truly beautiful.  Are you a virgin?”
I nodded.
Had there been no war, my father might have given my hand to a suitable suitor, a prince or even a king perhaps.
He put his hands on my bared breasts, cupping the nipples on the crests gently.
I had thought he would be more violent.
He pulled me towards him as he freed his loincloth. Our lips sealed in a deep kiss.  It was the first kiss for me apart from my parents and siblings.  I struggled a little but his left hand was around my waist while the other was caressing me again.  I melted into his arms and he carried me over to his bed.  I half closed my eyes and he spread wide my legs and mounted me.  His manhood was as hard as his spear in battle and I uttered a cry of pain as he penetrated me.  
“Fear not, my little flower.  I am only a beast in the killing fields.”
He spoke the truth.  I had never thought love-making could be so pleasurable, not with someone who had just slain my own beloved brother.
He rode me and drove me to a state of happiness I never knew existed. I pulled his head towards my breasts, inducing him to suck at my nipples.  When he finally deflowered me, I moaned, as a woman, his woman.
He kept me for three days and we had each other over and over again.
By the end of the agreed period of captivity, I was laden with sadness to go.
“Promise me you will not harm my kin.”
He smiled and brushed his fingers against my face.  “That can never be.  I am a warrior and the fate of warriors was to fight, or die on the battlefield.  When we prevail, I will take you as my bride.”
“You will not prevail.” I said. The words f Cassandra suddenly rang inside my head.  By instinct, I felt he would not survive the war.
“Whatever,” he replied. “Now you must go.  Farewell my little lark, till our paths cross again.”

(4)

I returned to Troy and was just in time to attend the funeral games of Hector, the tamer of horses.

The war continued. Prince Aeneas of the Dardania line, took over the command of the army.  He had married my sister Creusa. He was the best we had.

More allies came, among them, Penthesilea, the Queen of the Amazons.  She led a contingent of a thousand women warriors, all young and pretty to Troy.  The spirit if the city was revitalized by the arrival of some many pretty maidens but they all lost color when their queen appeared.  Of all the women I met in my life, Helen was by far the most beautiful, followed closely by my sister Laodice, who had married afar.  Cassandra was a beauty in her own right, at least when she was sober. But Penthesilea was a different breed.  She was radiant. Clad in the Amazon-style light armor of bronze breast-plates, a white tunic and short riding skirts, the Amazon queen outshone all others around her.  Perhaps Helen could better her in some way but the former queen of Sparta was everything opposite to the warrior queen, being feminine to the extreme as Penthesilea was a tower of boldness and strength, without weakening her attractiveness as a woman.  She had made the explicit declaration that she came here to fight Achilles, as atonement for having accidentally killed her own sister in a hunt.
“Stupid woman, “Andromache spoke behind her. “What can she do when even Hector had failed?  She would be food for birds when Achilles finished with her.”
Cassandra uttered a laugh which sounded almost like a hiss. “She is a daughter of .Ares. If any woman can kill him in battle, it will be her.”
I turned to face my sister. “But you said…”
She stopped me in my mid-sentence. “There are more than one way to fulfill the will of the gods.” Without waiting for an answer, she reeled and left us.
I stared at Penthesilea and found her staring at me too.
“So you are Polyxena, the princess who is worth her weight in gold.”
I bowed my head.  I had wanted to hate her, as a potential foe against Achilles.  But I discovered I could not. She was too beautiful to be hated by anyone.
“Tell me. Is there anything you came to know about him that you like to share?”
“I do not know what you mean, my lady.”
She threw back her head and laugh and it reminded me of Achilles, doing the same move in his tent.
“Never mind, pretty one.” Then she brought her face close and whispered into my ear. “If I were not into battle when dawn comes, I will certainly ask for your father to let you spend a night in my tent.  We can talk and do something else, woman to woman.”
I blushed at her honeyed voice, the wordings full of ambiguous flirting.
“I would be honored.” I replied.
“Very well, pretty one.  Let us wait until the victory feast, on my return.”
With that, she left me standing in the hallway.

I could not sleep throughout the night.
The possibility of Achilles falling before the Amazon queen was too much to bear.  Yet I also do not wish Penthesilea slain.  
I knew I hold the key in my hand.  If I told her about the secret of his heel, she might get the better of him.  In this case, the prophecy of my bringing him to his death, and the possibility of the Amazon Queen slaying the greatest Greek warrior would also be fulfilled.  
If I kept my silence, then the chance of her being vanquished would be great. Skillful as she might be, how could she slay an opponent whose body was impregnable, except at the heels.

I heard the sound of horns at the break of dawn.
I rushed to the queen’s chamber but found she was gone.  There was another set of armor at the side though and without much thinking, I put this on.  It fit.  I placed a cap helmet on my head and made for the Sacean Gates where they would form up to go outside, offering battle.
No one suspected an amazon to be a princess of Troy.
The main force had already moved down onto the plain. I sped up and joined the rank of the third line.  Two female warriors turned their heads and took a look at me but said nothing.
“Ready to charge!” An order barked out.
We put our horses into a canter.
In a rush, I had forgotten to take up any weapon apart from a crescent shape shield.  Nor could I use it if I did.  Without any weapon, I would be most vulnerable.
“If I am to be slain, so be it.” I said to myself. “Perhaps it will be him who will spear me through.”
Priam and mother would be in deep grief if they found me dead but it was too late to turn back now.
We raced towards the ships.  I could see Penthesilea leading her warriors crashing through the first line of defense put up by the Greeks.  Though I knew not how to wield a double-edge axe, the standard Amazon weapon, I was an exceptional good rider, having being trained personally by Hector.  I caught up with the second rank and then the leading one and found myself riding just a little behind the Amazon queen.
If she was surprised at my presence, she said nothing.
There was no time for distraction as more Greeks were rushing to fill the gap of their lines.  
We breached the second line and torched the ships.  Actually, it was they who did it as I would not do anything to put Achilles in danger, no matter how small a chance that would be.
Then I heard the battle cries of the Myrmidons.
There came Achilles on his chariot, leading his men into the thick of battle.
“Watch me, little one!” The Queen smiled and said.  So, she did know I was here.
She rode head on. Just as I was to follow, my mount reared up and neighed. To my horror, I found a shaft buried in his side as he came crashing down. I attempted to jump off but was too late.  My left leg was pinned under the dead animal.  I thought my leg must have broken but later found I could inch away from the weight and so must have avoiding being disabled.  Still, it was most precarious as the fighting was going on all around me and any foe who noticed me could just come over and slit my throat.  
In the pinned position I watched the battle developed.  
Many Greeks were killed. But the Amazons got fewer in number too.
I saw one of them, a young girl being beheaded on her saddle, another one dragged down from her horse, her armor in disarray as she tumbled to the ground.  She managed to recover to a kneeling position but seeing her position hopeless, she bared her left breast for an advancing Greek who buried his spear into her buxom... She was immediately avenged by one of her sisters-in-arms but this brave woman was in turn slain, a double-edge axe hacked into the cleft between her breasts.  She fell off her saddle and was beheaded once she hit ground.
I was still unable to free my leg when a Greek discovered me as his prey and moved towards me with drawn sword.  I felt cold sweat running down my back as there was no way I could defend myself.  But he never reached me as a flying axe cut into his forehead and he dropped dead less than a few steps from me.  I turned and saw the Amazon queen gleam.
Then I saw something else.  It was Achilles!
“Behind you!” I shouted.
Penthesilea turned and was just quick enough to assume her poise to do battle.
The daughter of Ares was a great match for the mighty warrior.  
“If there is any woman who can kill him, it will be her.” Cassandra had said.
She was right, almost.
Thrice her spear had found a gap in his defense and sliced at his skin.  It drew blood but was unable to cause any mortal wound.  In the third attempt, the shaft of her spear broke.  She threw it aside and made for the short sword at her side.  Achilles did not give her any chance.  A mighty thrust of his spear and the Amazon queen gave a cry of defeat and fell from her mount.  She managed to stand, still intending to offer a final fight.  But her opponent was faster and lost no time to bury his own sword into her left breast. She looked up to him as her body slowly slid to a kneeling position.  He twisted his sword a bit and the pain was finally too much for her.  The warrior queen gasped and fell back.  I saw him approach, a very different Achilles from the one I knew in the tent.  As he said, he was a beast and a killing tool in battle.
He did not notice me.
While his followers continued to slay other Amazons, he bent down and stripped the armor off the fallen queen until she was lying there stark naked before his eyes.  The torso, though in death, was enchanting. I saw him kneel before the beautiful corpse, weeping in remorse.  Then, he mounted her.  I could not believe my eyes; he was raping her corpse in full view of foes and friends!
When he had finished, he stood up and looked at the soiled body once again.  Another Greek came up, one who was so despicably ugly.  He made some rude remarks and the next moment, Achilles raised his clout and knocked on the face of the ugly man. I had to put my hand over my mouth as I saw all his teeth had been knocked off his mouth!  I knew the man was dead instantly.
Driven into a fury, Achilles tied the feel of the naked queen with a rope and fastened the other end to the rear of his chariot.  I knew he was doing the same thing he had done to Hector to Penthesilea.  Her body was towed across the plain and headed for the muddy River Salamander, where I presumed would be the unroyal grave of the brave queen.
I fell back in exhaustion and despair.  If any foe would come near, I would arch my neck and offer my throat to be cut.  But it was not to be.  The battle was over and the enemy was gathering trophies.  Fallen Amazons had their armor stripped off.  Those few who were captured wounded had their throats cut.  Two fell on the tips of swords to avoid becoming prisoner.  Sooner or later, the Greeks might discover me and either had me slain or taken back as slaves.  Would they do to me what Achilles had done to Penthesilea, if they decided to kill me?
I never had the answer.  A rain set upon the plain and the Greeks, after making a hasty check of the fallen, retreated back to their camp.  After a while, a detachment of Amazons who survived the battle found me and dragged me out from under the dead horse.
“I know you; you are the Trojan princess, Polyxena. Go back to your city.” The leader of the survivors said.
“What about you?”I asked.
They did not answer, put me on the back on one of their horses and gave the backside a snap.
As the horse carried me back towards the city, I heard thudding sounds.  I turned my head in time to see all of them plunging their daggers into each other’s hearts.
So the entire force brought by Penthesilea perished on the Trojan plain.

(5)

I had a high fever for three days.  I almost died.
But Hades would not have me yet and being young, I recovered fast.
In my sick bed, I heard things.  The whole city lost heart after the defeat of the Amazons.  They had tried to recover the body of the Amazon Queen in vain, the Salamander River was so muddy that it was not possible to reclaim any naked torso dumped in it without arousing the attention of the nearby Greeks.  So, they held a funeral in her honor and burned her armor instead.
I grieved for her.
It was a terrible death.  Being slain in battle was one thing; being disgraced and raped by her killer was entirely different.  She deserved better, I thought.  It was later that I found out why Achilles acted like that.
“He was trying to claim her as his own, even in death.  He liked her. “Helen explained.
“Then why did he dump her body into the mud?”
“After his copulating with her, it was just a corpse.  And he had to show other Greeks that he was not weak-hearted...”
So, it was not that sad an end for Penthesilea, though I still believed she would prefer me in her bed than my Achilles.
Yes, MY Achilles.
Though I had seen his beastly side, I now knew I was in love with him.
I did not hate him anymore, nor am I jealous.
It was his nature to love all beautiful things in life, or even in death.
His lust for Penthesilea would not diminish my place in his heart.
I also came to understand that even Hector would not hate him.  They had a fair fight, as warriors, as equals.  My brother lost. Had he won, he would have given the slain opponent the same treatment as he had received.
Of course I did not disclose this to anyone as it was not for everyone to cross the line in the midst of slaughter, to love both friends and foes.
Something still troubled me.  Why did my sister foretell me being the instrument of death for my beloved?
I would not do anything to hurt him, even on pains of death.
I learned it soon enough, in a way I never suspected.
One evening I found a letter under my silk pillow.  
It began by calling me “his little lark”.  That was his last address to me. I had told no one about it.  So, it was from him.
He asked me to meet him at dawn near the shrine of Apollo outside the city.
I went as asked and found him there.
We embraced.
“What is it that you call me here, my love?” He asked,
I was startled.
“Wasn’t it you who wanted to meet me here? I had your letter.”
“And I, yours.”
At once, we knew it was a trap!
“Run! Achilles!” I shouted.
But it was too late.
Paris with three other archers had drawn their bows.
“Step aside, Polyxena!” Paris shouted.
In panic, I wanted to protect Achilles and flung myself at his feet, covering his most vulnerable spot.  I thought if I had it covered, Achilles would not be hurt.
But I misjudged.
Paris, seeing my sudden movement was angered and in a rage, let go the notched arrow straight at my back.  I should have been killed.  I was glad to die for him.
But Achilles did not share my thought.  He pushed me aside just in time, and the arrow sank deep into his heel!
I screamed in terror.  
Paris rushed over with drawn dagger to finish off the wounded warrior.  But voices were heard, more Greeks were coming.  Paris dragged me away from the mortally wounded Achilles.  I screamed and kicked but to no avail.  The last thing I saw was Briseis kneeling by the side of the dead Achilles and plunged her dagger into her own heart.
So, it was her who betrayed us.  She was the only one present when we spoke farewell and heard Achilles called my his little lark.  
No, I hated her not.  She had no intention to hurt her love.  
She thought her Achilles was undefeatable and the trap would end in my being slain, if not by the ambushers, then by Achilles when he suspected he was betrayed by me.   But fate played a cruel trick on her, on all of us.  No one, not even the greatest warrior ever alive, could escape from his fate.


(6)

I was lost after his death.
Cassandra was the only one who could comfort me.
“Grieve not, my sister.  The end is near. You are the lucky one.  We will see Troy no more but you alone will never leave.”
Another riddle.
I could not understand what it meant, nor did I again care.
It came soon enough.
Paris was killed, shot.  An archer died through another arrow.
Then the drama on the deserted beach, of the Great ominous wooden horse, the argument and the counter-argument, of another of Cassandra’s futile warning.  The die was cast.  The horse was moved inside our city.
They came back at night, when most of the men were asleep with drunk. A latch on the wooden horse was set down and the sack of the city began.
I woke to the sound of slaughter, no longer frightened, knowing it was meant to be.
When I found the body of Priam, I wept.  But at least it was a quick death and he was advance in age. Better death than suffer the humility of servitude.  He was a king.
Astyanaz , the infant son of my brother Hector, was flung from the tower of Troy onto the rocks. Her mother Andromache as was Hecuba, and Cassandra and many other royal women were taken captives. The sight of Cassandra was most sorrowful.  Her priestess robe was torn and her shoulders and one of her breasts were bare, evidence of her being ravished in the very temple of Apollo.  The man responsible, Ajax the lesser, met a dire end, some said at the wrath of the gods, drowned.  Cassandra walked like lifeless, muttering “the axe is sharp. It falls once.  It will fall again.” I prefer not to know what she refers to.
Neoptolemus approached me. He looked like his father, only younger.  But it was only in appearance, he did not have his father’s noble spirit inside him.
“I claim you.” He pointed at me.
“What for? To ravish what your father had claimed as his own? Do you not have shame?” I confronted him.
He was red with anger and left.
I knew it would not be the end of it,
Hours later, Odyssey came in and looked at it with his sad eyes.
“Polyxena.  Neoptolemus had claimed that his father’s ghost demanded you o be sacrificed at his grave, or the army would never be able to depart.”
I chuckled.  It was all lies.  How could Achilles, who regretted so much the sacrifice of Iphigenia, the daughter of Agamemnon prior the departure of the Greek army ten years ago, demanded another sacrifice?
But I would not refute it.  It was a fitting end for me.
“You will bring about his death.  After that, he will bring about yours.” Cassandra had foretold my fate.  Now I understood its meaning.
I had caused his death in the very act to protect him and now I was to be sacrificed on his tomb.
“You will never leave Troy.” Cassandra had also said.  And once again, she was right.
I bade farewell to my mother and sister, to Helen too and followed Odyssey for the tomb of my beloved Achilles.
Neoptolemus was already waiting, as were a multitude of Greek warriors.
His son was to act as the one who would offer the sacrifice.
I was led to him who turned me to face the crowd.  With one snatch, he disrobed me, baring my upper torso before the eyes of all.  He had intended it to be a humiliation, a vengeance for his having been rejected.  I stood proud and firm.
“My father would be most pleased.” He said, his eyes wandering lustfully over my bared breasts.
I did not give him any satisfaction in reply.
He turned me sideways, so that the left side of me was facing the pile of rocks that was his father’s tomb.  
I saw a sacrificial dagger being put in his hand.  It was a long one, at least nine or ten hands, thicker than my slender neck.  He put the point against my neck, the half that faced the spectators.  
I knew what would follow.  He would plunge it in up to the hilt; the point would transverse my whole neck, coming out from the other side.  Before I black out from the sharp pain, he would withdraw the blade a little but without pulling it all out.  In this way, my blood would only shoot out from the wound on the left side of my neck, drenching the pile of rocks.  When they had had enough drink of my blood, he would finally pull out the instrument of death and let my body collapse at the foot of the make-shift altar. There, he would finally snatch away the clinging robe around my waist, rendering me completely naked.  A pyre would be built nearby and my body would be cremated, its ashes showered upon the tomb.
I was not afraid any more.  I knew not what awaited me after death.  No one ever return from the realm of Hades.  But I hope the gods are merciful to Achilles and me.
I expect him to greet me from the other side of the Styx. May be Briseis would be beside him, her atonement through suicide cleansing her guilt and earn her a place beside him.  I would love that.  Perhaps Penthesilea would be there too, and she would smile and wink to suggest a completion of our bedding.  No matter what, I would enjoy peace in my native land, the land that had been reduced to burn down towers and walls. It did not matter.  In my eyes, its ruins would always be the most treasured site.
I heaved, taking in the fresh night air one more time.
“Are you ready?” The son of Achilles demanded.
I nodded.

(End)

特洛伊公主---波吕克塞娜公主情事(Polyxena----Princess of Troy)
(特洛伊战争的四公主之第二部)

 (一)


我仍记得这一切开始的那天.
我当时只九岁, 要旁人把我拉起才能在特洛伊的城垛间看到城外发生的事. 那人应是我众多兄长之一吧, 到底是哪个我倒是忘了. 我的注意力都被更戏剧化的事吸引过去了.
那是一个美丽的早晨.. 我看到了第一排船的桅杆顶部从在海水的尽头处缓媛升起. 我偷偷望向父亲脸上震惊之色. 竟然有这么多的船! 每条船张得满满的帆上是不同城邦的徽饰: 伊萨卡, 斯巴达, 迈锡尼, 还有许多许多的. 船的两舷处是一排排的巨橹, 此起彼伏破浪而来. 第一排之后是更多, 更多的船.
「肯定超过一千艘吧.」有人说. 其他人听到了都为之侧目.没有什么比赤裸裸的现实更有杀伤力了. 只有卡珊德拉, 我的长姊,一言不发的点头, 以她碧绿的眼睛投向现在已布满战船的海面. 卡珊德拉 又一次不幸言中了, 只可惜她的预言从来都被人们故意忽视---直至事实摆在眼前, 可是已经迟了. 他们说卡珊德拉曾被太阳神阿波罗赐与预知未来的神奇力量, 却又因她拒绝太阳神的求爱而受到他的诅咒: 凡她预言的, 都不会为人们相信.
「这会把战争和毁灭带来特洛伊!」在兄长巴里斯把美丽绝伦的海伦从斯巴达带回来时, 卡珊德拉就在一次癫痫发作中以指指向兄长的新娘警告. 海伦是斯巴达的前王后, 她是和兄长一起私奔回来的.
他们说她是世界上最美的女人 从某一角度看, 我不能反驳. 她有一头亮丽金发, 五官精致, 双肩如削, 胸脯饱满而腰部纤细几只手可盈握---这是每个男人心中欲念的化身吧. 但海伦之美不单止于外表. 她看似柔弱, 却拥有令所有男人都心动而甘愿为她走向刀山火海的特质. 这特质存在她每一个细微动作, 每一个若有所思的垂头, 每一次她把那优美的颈转个方向, 每一个耳语, 每一个叹息之中. 任是心如铁石也会马上溶化. 即使我阅历甚深见尽天下美女的父亲也不例外. 他本来斩钉截铁的要把她送回斯巴达的. 但在第一次眼神接触后, 他已知道他是绝不可能狠下心来发出这命令.
于是, 希腊人来了. 他的前夫墨涅拉俄斯来了, 阿格门农, 墨涅拉俄斯的兄长, 亦是希腊人推举的共主, 来了. 最狡滑的奥狄修斯来了. 还有令人闻名丧胆的阿喀琉斯, 来了. ,  
我的长兄赫托, 亦是父亲的指定继承人后来对我说: 即使巴里斯有没有把海伦带回来也好, 希腊人迟早会来的. 阿格门农的野心是控制这一带的贸易水道, 而这使希腊与特洛伊终难免一战. 海伦只是为他提供了进犯的借口. 可能吧. 怎样也好, 海伦令他们出师有名: 她的美貌令千帆并举, 使我们这海岸血流成河
第一排的船已抵浅水区. 我看到第一个从甲板上跳下的希腊人. 他杀了我们四个人, 其中两个是我同父异母兄长, 之后他才被砍倒了. 后来我知道他的名字叫Protesilaus. 他被尊为勇士, 因为他不畏先着陆者必死的神谕而奋勇争先.
我看到两军距离逐步收窄: 希腊人抢滩, 我们的战士试图把他们赶回大海. 我看见人倒下, 血花四溅, 战死者的盔甲被剥夺, 赤条条的尸体横卧在被浪潮不断冲洗的幼沙上. 我是从城的高点看到这一切的, 因为距离很远, 我没听到那些惨叫声, 死亡看来是如此不真实. 我只是被这变化万千的场面吸引着了.
「把她抱回后宫! 这是应该让小孩子的到的吗?」 普里阿摩斯, 我的父王怒吼道.
在我不情不愿下, 我被人从城垛上弄了下来送到安全的寝宫中.
「不要害怕, 好孩子. 很快就完结. 赫托会把他们都赶进海里.」我的母亲在我耳畔低声说.
但她错了.
这没有很快完结.
事实上, 过了太久仍未完结.
接着的九年, 特洛伊都处于被围状态. 无数的战斗中无数的人会死去, 其中一些是我最亲爱的. 我的命运亦从此天翻地覆. 甜美歌声飘逸的悠然夏夜一去不返, 代替的是战鼓与铙钹声, 战胜时的趾高气扬喧闹与遭受挫折时的唉声叹气. 战火燃点的烟柱比我们的高塔还要高; 那是烧着了船和焚烧尸体的烟.
赫库芭, 我的母亲, 教导我们要在哀伤与失落中仍要挺起胸膛. 而我们丧失的真是很多. 她失去了她不少的儿子, 我的兄长们. 我时常令她失望, 原因是我品性不是一个逆来顺受的女孩子. 纵使我尽了力, 我仍禁不住因某些人出战后不再回来而落泪.
战争再不是从远处望去如戏剧的事. 在这九年时光的某一点上, 我的童真在不失不觉中消亡. 在年年征战中, 一个小公主由无忧无虑的幼虫蜕变成对每一变化都具警觉的粉蝶. 父王母后都很疼我, 因为我是他们年纪最小的女儿, 而且他们说我长得特别美丽. 他们试图以这大爱给我保护免我沾及城门外的血雨腥风. 但你是绝不可能如此长期把这么多的苦难与我隔离的.
我真的希望生为男儿可以执戈卫国, 即使战死沙场也在所不惜. 但这只是妄想. 我体质难以使动兵器, 甚至引弓也力不从心. 但我懂得骑马. 怎说也好, 我是赫托的胞妹, 而他是特洛伊中最好的驯马者.
我观察, 我学习, 我成长.
我是波吕克塞娜, 普里阿摩斯的女儿, 特洛伊的公主.

(二)

九年的征战, 却不代表每天都是血战不休的.
诚如此, 双方的战士早就会死光了. 一场战斗结束, 在另一场开始前往往只是对峙, 在某神祉的节日会举行竞技会, 又或者在远方盟军到达时会大排筵席饱吃一顿.
我方一直相信终取得最后胜利 特洛伊城墙高耸坚厚, 而且依传说是由天神所筑, 因此固若金汤. 我城亦友邦遍天下, 反观希腊人是孤军犯境. 而如果单单友谊未足以使援军前来协助, 父王在城中国库的藏金也是吸引外援的好手段. 这是我数代人累积得来的财富: 特洛伊城的位置得天独厚, 处于来往的商队必经之路. 此地又盛产铜与炼制武器必须用的锡, 而如果我们切断锡的供应, 希腊人连制造武器也将会有困难了. 可能这才是他们派遣过千战船来犯的真正原因. 阿格门农很清楚: 特洛伊城不堕, 希腊人永难成这一带的霸主.
于是战事 一年一年的拖下去. 拉锯使双方都付出沉重的代价. 不止一次大家都觉得干脆点让王子巴里斯与海伦原本的丈夫决斗作一个了断. 但巴里斯不是战士的料子, 他还未交手就逃之夭夭. 也亏他身轻脚快, 对手就是追他不及. 长兄赫托觉得自己的弟弟丢人极了, 于是插手加入战团, 这一来, 个人决斗变成了大流血. 又一次回到拉锯了.
在此, 我就不再说阿喀琉斯, 希腊军中最勇猛的人如何因一个俘虏而跟阿格门农反目, 继而拒绝出战, 以及后来长兄赫托误认阿喀琉斯的挚友帕特罗克洛斯为阿喀琉斯本人把他在战场上击杀再剥夺他身上借自他好友与爱人的盔甲的事了. 这些我都没有目睹, 而是因母亲向我下了禁足城墙的命令而经他人转述的.
我是在赫托, 特洛伊城的支柱, 在Scaean 门外命丧在他此生的宿敌长矛下开始才被卷入这场战争的.
赫托倒下的情景对整个特洛伊城来说不啻于天崩地裂. 我母亲再也不能保持一贯的冷静假面了: 她撕破了自己的胸衣嚎然大哭. 我和卡珊德拉 冲上了城墙, , 在那里, 赫托妻子手抱着他们的婴儿Astyanax惨号着.
我从城垛之间望下去, 看见一箭之外处兄长大字型的仰卧在地, 他那华美的盔甲已被胜利的对手剥下. 即使已被死神接走的赫托仍是不失特洛伊三军之冠的威严. 虽然有一段距离, 我仍可以看到他张开的眼睛的眼白, 好像他是要再看看心爱妻子安德洛玛刻和他的儿子最后一面. 他的胴体肤色苍白, 上面布满多年浴血沙场的伤痕. 我们可以看到那被对手刺入取去性命处深红的一片. 刺入的长矛刚被拔出. 阿喀琉斯正把兄长的双足用绳缚到一起, 接着, 全城上下在看到他们敬爱的王子被对手缚在他战车之后再快马加鞭中被拖行而发出绝望的哀号. 他拖着赫托的尸体绕城三周, 在沙土及岩石上留下可怕的血路..
「不! 求你行行好啊!」 母亲在城上悲鸣.
父亲有生以来第一次在我面前哭了.
安德洛玛刻 以手掩脸, 她仍未知已丧父的儿子已这时在海伦怀中哭起来.
我没有哭.
如果我的目光可化为毒箭, 我会向阿波罗神祈求百步穿杨的射艺把杀兄者一箭毕命. 即使我要付出从此失明的代价也在所不惜. 特洛伊城最引以为傲的已遭毁灭, 我的眼睛留不来又有什么用? 我恨他. 我会一生一世的恨他!
「我会杀了他!」我低声道.
一只手落在我肩上 是卡珊德拉的.
「你会把他推向死亡的. 然后, 他也会把你引领向死神的国度.」
我转向她, 完全不明白她所说的话. 我是因悲愤而立誓. 但以手无缚鸡之力的我如何能把他杀死? 即使我是一名战士也不能成事, 如果连赫托也死于他手下, 我又算什么?  而他如果真的被我杀死了, 又如何会把我引领去死神之地? 我不相信鬼魂复仇之说. 但即使我相信真的有鬼魂作祟, 我也毫不犹疑下那毒誓. 我以亡兄的血起誓.
就在那一刻, 他把战车停下来了, 就站立在我们前方. 好像是要向我们扬威耀武般, 他摘下了他的战盔, 把他的一头金发弄散了. 我们的眼神接上了, 我感到全身冰冷.
在那双眼睛中我看到一些别的人看不到的东西.
那是我和他共同拥有的.
它的名字叫寂寞.

(三)

我父, 国王普里阿摩斯, 孤身前往阿喀琉斯的营账中乞求他发还我兄长赫托的尸体.
他最后答应了, 但要求赎价.
那是一笔天文数字.
「如果你的黄金不足, 就把波吕克塞娜公主也投进去凑数吧.」他说.
「你当然不能去!」母亲坚决反对.
「为什么?」
「为什么? 你是一名公主啊. 你以为他要你过营居心何在?」
我直视她的眼睛, 说「吾父作为一国之主都愿意孤身犯险前往杀子仇人营账中乞尸, 他是一国之君, 身系国家安危之首尚如此. 你又何以会愿以独惜一臂?」
我母亲无言以对: 我的理据和从未发生过的忤逆她意愿令她震惊了.
巴里斯也劝我不要意气用事, 但我已下了决心.
我把身体投进了装满国库中日渐枯竭的黄金的车子上. 我听到背后响起的哭泣声, 但我没有回头.
六名阿喀琉斯的手下战士把我送到他的营账去. 我的生命不曾受到任何威胁. 没有人会愚蠢地打阿格琉斯战利品的主意.
「我依你的要求来赎我兄长的尸体了,」 这次是我第一次站得如此接近他. 我现在可看清楚他了: 他长得不难看, 高高的鼻梁, 大部份向下弯的嘴角令人联想到一种挥之不去的哀愁, 然后是那双寂寞的浅蓝眼睛.
「你真的胆子不少呢, 波吕克塞娜. 你孤身过来没有想到你的安危吗?」
「我早置个人安危于度外, 我只是希望你言而有信. 黄金和普里阿摩斯的女儿都依约送到了.」
他笑了. 「我会履行诺言的. 你父亲可以在黎明把你兄长的遗骸带回去. 可是你必须留在我帐中三晚.」
我垂下头, 默许了.
「进入我的帐子吧,「 他命令.
我跟随他进了他的营账.
帐内空间比我想象大, 虽然简朴得很.
里面有另一个女孩子.
「Briseis.」
我点点头. 这就是阿喀琉斯和希腊人统帅阿格门农不和的起因吧. 因为她, 阿格琉斯拒绝出战导致他的好友爱人和我兄长相继被杀.
「她很美丽. 为什么你仍要我?」我问.
阿格琉斯瞄了那女子一眼. 「你与她不同.」他说
我可以看出那女子被这话刺伤了. 她一定很爱他
「我们先喝喝酒吧. 拿些酒来.」
Briseis 服从了. 在她眼中没有愤怨, 只有一种听天由命的无奈.
我为她感到一阵难过.
她出了营账去把酒准备了. 我感到心脏狂跳, 即将发生的事不言而喻.
他一定看穿了我的心意了, 干笑了一声.
「你会打算把杀兄的人了结吗?」
我一脸飞红. 我确曾这样想过.卡珊德拉的预言更是使我心动. 但我很快就打消了它. 如果我在双方休战时刺杀了他会是对诸神大大不敬. 何况, 我成功机会微乎其微.
「我身为女子, 如何有能力伤害到战无不胜的阿喀琉斯?」我语调中不无带讽刺地说.
「为什么这样说? 我也是血肉之躯. 虽然, 他们说我母亲是一名仙女.」 他把横放在装肉和水果的碟子上的刀放在我的手中.
我们对视. 我不能说我丝毫不动过念头: 一刀直刺他心窝…
他在笑声中把刀挪走了. 「即使你有心杀我, 你也应瞄着这一处.」他指向他的一只足踝.
我大惑不解.
「这是我一身中的死穴.」
我更不明白.
「当我山生时,」他解释说. 「我母亲为了使我刀枪不入把我的身体浸入冥河中. 可是她抓着的这个地方没有沾到冥河的水.」
「你为什么要告诉我这些?」
「就看看我能否信任你. 你是唯一知道我这秘密的人.如果你想, 你可以出卖我」
我内心一阵震动. 这就是卡珊德拉 说的预言的原因? 如果我告诉他人他的致命弱点在哪儿, 可能我们的战士可以利用这讯息把他置诸死地. 当然, 要接近他把武器刺入那一丁方谈何容易?
「你可以杀了我. 死去的女孩不会说出你的秘密.」
他仰天大笑. 「我没有杀过女人. 虽然曾有一名妙龄少女因我而死. 是阿格门农的女儿. 他父亲把她献祭了好让大军的舰队可以得到起行之风. 那可怜的女子原先以为来到军营中是作我的新娘子.」
「多无情的父亲.」
「也许吧. 你多大了?」
「十八. 」
「呵, 和我的儿子一样岁数.」
「你有儿子?」
「是啊, 在我自己的国家中. 他的名字叫奈奥普托勒姆斯.」
我们在沉默中对坐了一会.
是我打破这僵局的.
「我是你要求的赎金一部份, 你要我吗?」
这次他没有笑了
他把我扶起, 再解开我长袍子上的结. 那薄薄的衣物掉到地上. 我全裸的站在他面前了.
「你真的很美. 你是处女?」
我点头.
如果不是这场战争, 父亲也许早就把我许配给一个追求我的王子, 甚至一国之君了,
他把他的双手按在我裸露的酥胸上, 轻轻把乳尖盈握.
我本以为他会很粗暴的.
他把我拉向他, 同时扯下了他自己的裆布. 我们的唇接上了. 这是我除了给父母和兄弟姊妹外的初吻. 我挣扎了一点可是他的手搂着我的腰, 而另一只手继续抚摩我的身体. 我在他的双臂中像溶化掉了. 于是他把我抱上他的床. 我半闭眼睛, 张开双腿让他上了我. 他的阳具有如他的战矛般坚挺, 他开始突入时我感到痛楚中叫了一声.
「不用怕, 我的小花. 我只在战场上才有如猛兽.」
他没有骗我. 我从没有想过做爱可以如此美妙, 最少和杀兄的人不应如此.
他骑在我身上冲刺, 把我驱向我从未感爱过的亢奋. 我把他的头拉开一点把它引向吸啜我的乳蒂. 当他最终把我的处女膜弄破时, 我以一个女人的身份发出了呻吟---他的女人.
他把我留在他帐中三天当中我们一次又一次的行云雨之欢.
三天之后, 我竟有点不舍了.
「答应我不要再伤害我的家人.」
他在微笑中以指头轻拂我脸. 「不可能的. 我是战士. 战士的命运就是杀戮或是被杀. 当我军战胜 我会娶你为妻.」
「你们不会战胜的.」我说 卡珊德拉 的话在我脑中响起.
直觉告诉我他不会活到这场战争结束之时.
「怎样也好吧,」他回答说. 「现在你必须回去了. 再见, 我的小云雀, 直至我们聚首.」

(四)

我回到特洛伊城, 刚好赶及参加赫托驯马者的丧礼.

战争持续. 王室旁系的Aeneas王子接替了赫托遗下的指挥权 他早前娶了我姐姐Creusa. 他是余下的战士中最优秀的了..

陆续有盟友前来助阵. 其中一人就是阿玛逊女王彭特茜莉亚. 她率领了近千年轻貌美的女战士前来. 城中一时被这许多美丽女子渲染得艳光处处. 可是当她们的女王出场时, 所有的女子都黯然失色了. 在我一生中遇到的女子当中, 海伦无疑是艳压群芳的, 然后是我已远嫁的姊姊Lodice, 卡珊德拉 也属美女, 最少她的病没有发作时是如此. 但彭特茜莉亚与众不同. 她是艳光四射. 在白色外衣上罩上阿玛逊人轻便的青铜胸甲及腰间的短裙子的女王光釆夺人. 也许海伦仍是略胜一筹, 但这斯巴达的前王后是属于完全不同的品种: 海伦弱不禁风, 我见犹怜; 阿玛逊人的女王却是刚健勇武中不失女性的妩媚. 她曾公开地立誓要手刃阿喀琉斯好为她在狩猎中曾误杀自己姊姊赎罪.
「愚蠢的女人,」 安德洛玛刻 在她背后逆她: 「连赫托也没法做到的, 她凭什么? 她注定被阿喀琉斯杀死后成为飞鸟的食粮吧.」
卡珊德拉 干笑了一声. 说: 「她是战神的女儿. 如果有女子可以杀死阿喀琉斯, 就非她莫属.」
我转向我姊姊, 道: 「但你曾道…」
她打断了我的插话. 「天意难测. 诸神不一定只有一种方式去取一个凡人性命的.」 在我们未及回话前, 她已拂袖而去.
我望向彭特茜莉亚, 而她也朝我望来.
「你就是波吕克塞娜? 听说你身价赛比黄金.」
我垂下头 我很想恨她: 她会是阿喀琉斯的劲敌. 但我发觉我恨不了: 她太美丽了.
「告诉我, 你有什么可以让我知道关于他的?」
「升下 我不明白你所指的是什么?」
她仰天一笑; 和阿喀琉斯在他帐中的动作竟如此相似.
「没关系, 美女.」然后她把脸凑了过来在我耳畔毫.「如果不是明早我就要出战, 我一定会向你父王要求让你到我帐中渡一个晚上. 我们两个女人可以谈谈心.」
她甜美的声音与充满挑逗的语言令我一脸飞红.
「那是我的荣幸吧.」我回答说.
「好的. 美女. 待我战回来庆功之后吧.」
说完, 她就把我丢在长廊中独自离去了.
我彻夜难眠.
阿喀琉斯有可能死在阿玛逊人女王矛下令我忐忑不安.
不, 我也不想彭特茜莉亚被杀.
我知道我掌握胜败的关键. 如果我告诉她有关他足踝的事, 她就可能会获胜. 如此, 我导至他死亡的预言就会成真, 而阿玛逊女王可以杀死希腊军最伟大战士的预言亦实现了.
如我保持缄默, 女王战死的可能性就大增. 她虽然战技高超, 但对一全身除了足踝外刀枪不入的对手她会毫无胜算.

黎明时我听到了号角声.
我快步走向女王的寝室但她已离开. 在旁边有另一副铠甲, 我不经思索就穿上了. 铠甲完全合我的身型. 我把帽盔戴上然后乘马径自走向城门. 在那里, 阿玛逊人正列阵待发.
没有人怀疑其中一人竟是特洛伊的一位公主
主力己开始向山下平原移动. 我加速赶上了第三排的女战士. 两个女战士朝我望过来却没有说什么.
「准备冲锋!」命令传下了.
我们把马驱至快步前进.
在匆忙中, 我连武器也没带上, 只拿了一面月牙形的盾牌. 当然, 即使有武器我也不懂如何使用. 但手无寸铁, 我的心就更不踏实了.
「如果我注定要死在战场上, 也认命了吧, 」我对自己说. 「说不定是由他亲手把我杀掉呢.」
普里阿摩斯 和母亲知道我被杀一定会很悲伤, 但这时如箭在弦无法回头了.
我们争先恐后的冲向希腊人锭船的滩头. 我可以看到彭特茜莉亚带领她的女战士突破了希腊人的外围防线. 虽然我不懂武功, 却是个出色的骑手.是长兄赫托亲自教导我的. 我追上了第二排的战士, 再赶上了前排的, 直至我紧随在女王后方.
如果她发现了是我, 她没有把我说破.
事实上也没时间去分心了. 希腊人已派兵堵塞缺口.
我们突破了第二圈防线把一些船燃点起了.
当然, 我没有亲手干: 我是不会做出任何可能伤害他的事情的.
然后我听到阿喀琉斯麾下的Myrmidons的独有喊杀声.
阿喀琉斯正率领他的战士朝我们冲杀过来.
「小不点, 小心了!」 女王笑着说. 原来她是知道我在这儿的. 她向前猛进. 我刚要追上去, 我的座骑却前蹄揪起. 我看到一支箭已没入我座骑的腹部! 我试围从马背上跃下, 可是已经迟了.  我的左腿被那死了的马理着.  我想我的腿一定是断了,但后来发现可以缓缓移动, 原来没有重伤. 即是如此,我仍是危象横生. 腿部被压着, 四周激战, 任何一个敌人都可轻易上前割断我的咽喉.
在这窘态中, 我唯有静观其变, 听天由命.
很多希腊人被杀. 但阿玛逊人亦有不少战死了.
我看到其中之一名少女在鞍上被人斩下首级; 另一人被敌兵从马背上拖下时衣甲不整. 她好不容易回复过来跪在地上, 看看已无生理于是就把衣襟扯下露出胸脯让敌人一矛刺入她的乳房. 她的战友马上替她复仇把凶手杀了, 可是这个女战士又马上被杀了: 一柄双刃斧砍进她的乳沟. 她甫一离鞍就被斩下了首级.
我仍未能把足从马尸下拉出来. 一个希腊人发现了我就拔出了剑向我走来. 我在完全无助中浑身冷汗. 但他没有走到可以把我击杀的距离就被一掷斧劈进了前额倒下死掉. 我转身看到阿玛逊人的女王向我闪着微笑.
然后我看到了另一个人: 阿喀琉斯!
「在你后方!」我大声叫.
彭特茜莉亚及时转身应战.
战神的女儿果然堪与希腊最勇猛的战士匹敌.
「如果有女子可以杀死阿喀琉斯, 就非她莫属.」 卡珊德拉曾说.
她是对的, 几乎全对.
她三次以矛刺击都割破他的皮肤使他流血, 只是无法做成致命的伤害. 她正要再掷出第三支矛时, 矛断折了, 于是她就把矛抛弃了, 把手转向腰间的短剑. 阿喀琉斯却没有给她机会. 他的长矛刺出, 阿玛逊人女王一声哀号中翻身落马. 她仍可以再站起来, 企图再战. 但她的对手比她更快的把剑刺入她的左方乳房. 她在慢慢跪下的动作中带着类似深情地仰望着他. 他把剑刃扭动, 这痛苦再不是她能强忍的了. 喘气中, 这战士女王向后倒下. 我看着他一步一步向她走去, 这和我在营中认识的阿喀琉斯判若两人. 正如他所说: 在战场上他只是一头猛兽.
他没有注意到我.
当他的部下把阿玛逊战士一一宰掉时, 他弯下身把女王身上的铠甲剥夺了. 于是她的美丽身躯就赤裸在他目光下. 她虽已死亡, 胴体却仍是如此美丽和具诱惑. 我看到他跪在尸体旁饮泣起来. 然后, 他上了她. 我不敢相信我的眼睛: 他在所有人面前把她尸奸!
当他完了事, 他站了起来, 望向已被他污辱的胴体.
这时另一个脸目可憎的希腊人前来. 他说了些侮辱的话. 阿喀琉斯随即一拳打在这人面上. 我急忙以手掩口制止自己惊呼出来, 因为我看到那人的牙齿全都被打掉了. 我知道那人已马上死掉.
在狂怒中, 阿喀琉斯把女王的裸体双足缚起再系到他战车后方 我知道他要干什么: 就如同他对赫托做的一样 她的尸体被拖过平原前向那混浊的斯甘万德河走去. 那儿将是这勇敢善战的女王长眠之所.
我在极度疲惫与绝望中躺下去. 如果任何敌人上前, 我一定会让他割断我的咽喉. 但这没有发生. 战斗已结束, 胜利者正捡集他们的战利品. 战死的阿玛逊人身上的衣甲都被剥下了. 那些因受伤而被俘的马上被割喉杀掉. 两名女战士为避免被俘而倒向自己的剑尖自尽. 他们迟早会发现我的: 不是被他们杀死就是押回去当女奴. 如果他们把我杀掉, 会否像阿喀琉斯对女王所作的一样把我尸奸?
我没法知道. 天空突然降雨. 希腊人匆匆搜索一下就收队回营. 过了一会, 少量没有战死的女战士发现了我把我从马尸下拖了出来.
「我认得你, 你是特洛伊的公主波吕克塞娜. 回到你的城吧.」幸存者的队长对我说.
「那, 你们呢?」我问.
她们没有回答, 把我放在马背上再狠狠一拍马的臀部.
当马向城走去时, 我听到背后重物坠地之声. 我回首一看望见她们都互相以匕首刺入对方心脏.
彭特茜莉亚女王带来的女战士就全部如此玉碎.

(五)

我发了三天高烧, 与死亡只隔一线.
但冥府之神还没有打算接收我的灵魂. 而我仍年轻, 于是很快就复原了.
在病榻上我听到不少事情. 全城都为女王战败而沮丧. 他们试图从巨蝾河把女至的尸体捞回来, 但河水混浊不堪, 要在希腊人眼底完成是不可能的事. 于是他们就只为她举行了象征式丧礼, 以她的衣甲代替遗体.
我为她而哭了.
这是如此可悲的下场: 战死沙场没什么大不了, 可是被杀她的人当侮辱和奸污却又是另一回事. 她不应该有这样的下场啊. 后来我才明白为什么阿喀琉斯会这样做.
「他是希望把她认作自己的妻妾, 他是喜欢她的.」海伦解释.
「但为什么他要把她的遗体抛进泥沼中?」
「在他与她交媾后, 那只是一具尸体了. 而他必须向所有的希腊人展示他不是娘儿腔.」
于是, 彭特茜莉亚就这样阵亡了. 我总是觉得她会希望把我弄上床多和我的阿喀琉斯有肌肤之亲.
对, 是「我的」阿喀琉斯.
虽然我看到了他兽性的一面, 我现在知道我是深爱他,
我不再恨他了, 也不嫉忌吃醋.
他的本性就是爱所有美丽的东西: 不论是生前死后.
他对彭特茜莉亚的亵辱没有减褪我对他的爱火.

我也隐隐感到赫托不恨他. 那是一场公平的决斗, 势均力敌. 兄长输了. 如果他赢了, 也许会对对手作出同样的事
当然我把这想法收在心中. 不是所有人都可以不论敌友, 以大爱看事情的.
我绝不会伤害他; 即使要我的命也不会.
可是, 人算总不如天算.
在一个黄昏, 我在枕下发现一封信
他称我为他的「小云雀」. 那是他在分别时对我说的, 我没有告诉任何人 因此信当是他的无疑.
他约我在黎明时在城外的太阳神神庙相见.
我赴约了, 而他正在等待我.
我们拥抱.
「我所爱的, 什么事你要约我在此见面?」他问.
我呆住了.
「不是你约我吗?」我有你的信.」
「我也有你的信.」
马上, 我们知道中计了.
「阿喀琉斯! 跑! 快跑!」
但太迟了.
巴理斯和三名弓箭手已拉弓搭箭.
「波吕克塞娜, 你站到一旁!」
在恐慌中, 我以身躯掩护阿喀琉斯, 飞扑到他足踝上: 那是他唯一的致命点.
我的想法是: 如果我用身体挡着, 他们就杀不了他.
我估计错了.
巴理斯看到我奋不顾身去维护死敌, 在愤怒中向我后心狠狠放箭. 我应该被他射杀的. 我不后悔. 能为他死, 我甘心. 可是阿喀琉斯却不如此想. 他在最后关头把我推开. 箭, 就正正没入他的足踝!
我尖叫.
巴理斯正想拔出匕首把他了结, 但希腊人已赶到, 于是巴理斯就把我从受了致命伤的阿喀琉斯身上扯走. 我又叫又踢但毫无效果. 我最后看到的是Briseis跪在阿喀琉斯的尸体旁由匕首插进她自己的心房.
到此, 我已明白是谁出卖了我们. 她是唯一在场听到我们对话, 听到阿喀琉斯称我为「他的小云雀的」人.
不, 我也不恨她. 她根本没有伤害她所爱的人的意思.
她以为阿喀琉斯刀枪不入, 即使被伏击, 死的只会是我. 即使我没有被自己人所杀, 阿喀琉斯也可能误以为是我出卖他而把我杀掉. 但命运却和我们开了个残酷的玩笑. 而即使是如阿喀琉斯的盖世英雄也逃不了他的宿命.


(六)


他死后 我失魂落魄.
卡珊德拉是唯一能安慰我的.
「妹妹, 不要悲伤. 终局将至. 你是幸运的. 我们将永远离开特洛伊, 而独是你却可以永远留在这儿.」
又一个哑谜.
我不明所以, 也不关心.
终局来得比我们想象快.
巴理斯被杀了, 死于箭下. 善用箭者死于箭.
然后是沙滩上的一幕: 巨大的希腊木马, 对于是否把它纳入城中的剧烈争论, 卡珊德拉 又作出一个没人相信的预言. 一切成了定局. 木马进入了特洛伊城.
他们晚上回师反扑, 我们的人因狂饮而酩酊大醉. 木马的活门打开, 奇兵如从天降, 拉开了十年来他们无法攻破的城门
我被四周杀戮之声惊醒. 我没有恐慌, 我早知这是无法扭转的宿命. 当我发现父王尸首时, 我哭了. 也好, 他被一剑终命, 没受太多苦楚. 死亡总比成为奴隶好. 他曾是一国之君.
 
Astyanaz  我长兄赫托的独生子, 被他们从高塔上掷下脑肝涂地. 他的母亲安德洛玛刻, 连同我母后赫库芭和姊姊卡珊德拉及其他王室妇女都成了俘虏. 卡珊德拉 的遭遇很悲惨. 她的女祭师袍在太阳神殿中被撕破露出乳房: 显然是被强暴了. 强暴她的人, 小Ajax, 也不得好死. 他因犯下恶行触了神怒而葬身大海. 卡珊德拉 如同行尸走肉般喃喃道: 「巨斧锋利, 斩下一次后, 将再斩下.」 我宁愿不明白她说的话是什么意思.
奈奥普托勒姆斯 走向我. 他酷似他的父亲, 只是较年轻. 但也只是形似. 他没有他父亲的风釆.
「我要你!」他指向我.
「要我作什么? 你会把你父亲曾弄上床的女人污辱吗? 你不觉羞耻?」 我直视他.
他满脸通红地走了.
我知道事情不会就此了结.
不久, 奥狄修斯向我走来. 他的眼睛充满哀伤.
「波吕克塞娜. 奈奥普托勒姆斯说他父亲托梦给他, 要把你在他父亲坟前作祭品. 否则, 大军无法回故乡.」
我干笑一声. 鬼话连篇. 阿喀琉斯当年因伊斐贞妮亚之死而内疚不已, 又怎会要求另一次人祭?
但我不驳斥他. 对我来说, 这是求之不得.
「你会把他推向死亡的. 然后, 他也会把你引领向死神的国度.」Cassandsra曾预言我的命运. 现在我完全明白了.
我为保护他反而令他丧生, 现在我我将在他坟头上成为祭品..
「你将永不用离开特洛伊.」卡珊德拉也说过 当然, 她是对的. 因为我将死在这儿.
我和母亲, 姊姊, 海伦告别, 然后跟从奥狄修斯前往我心爱的阿喀琉斯的墓.
奈奥普托勒姆斯 已和其他希腊战士等待着.
我爱人的儿子会亲手把我献祭.
我被领到他跟前面向所有人. 他一手就把我的袍子扯下, 让我上半身赤裸, 他本以为这可以羞云 我. 我却昂首而立.
「父亲一定会很高兴,」他的眼球贪婪地在我胸脯上游移时说.
我没有回答, 免得他自鸣得意.
他把我转向侧立, 让我左半身向着那一堆乱石.
我看到他手中的祭刀. 它最少有九至十掌长, 比我纤细的颈的直径还要长得多. 他把刃尖抵着我向众人那面的颈
我清楚接着有什么事会发生. 他会一刀刺入直没至刀锷再让刀刃从另一方突出. 在我于剧痛昏死过去之前, 他们把刀向后抽出少许却不会把整个刃部抽离. 如此, 我的鲜血将从我左方颈部喷出把乱石染红. 当石上已有足够的血时, 他才会把刀拔出让我的尸体倒在临时祭坛上. 然后他会扯去我缠在腰间的袍子使我全裸. 在祭坛旁的柴堆会被点起, 而我的尸体将被烧成灰烬. 最后我的骨灰将被洒在他的墓石上.
我已毫不畏怯. 我不知道什么在死亡之后等待着我, 没有人从冥界回来. 我只希望诸神慈悲,让他在阴间迎接我. 可能Briseis会在他身边, 她以死谢罪已清消她的背叛而终可长伴他身旁. 我对此没有不满. 也许彭特茜莉亚也会在那儿. 而她会对我微笑并眨眼示意要和我共渡巫山. 无论如何, 我将会长眠故乡泥土下. 虽然城已破, 高塔已倾, 在我眼中这仍是永远最美丽之地.
我在夜空中深深吸了最后一口气.
「你是否已准备好了?」阿喀琉斯的儿子问.
我向他点头.

(完)