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    Summer (A Poem by Baolin CHENG)
    Summer

    Coming from your hometown, a firefly
    Rested on your left breast, brightening it
    While night on the right side of your body
    Was trapped in darkness that deepened

    My right eye saw the brightness on your left breast
    My left eye witnessed the darkness
    That another breast agreed
    Had become even more remote

    Now my eyes see nothing but electric light
    An unbearable, dazzling brightness occupying the world
    The firefly disappeared in the breathing of New York City

    I can tell this firefly from any others
    No matter how fast or how far
    It flies away from this summer


    [ 这个贴子最后由Aihua在12/7/2004 3:02:57 PM编辑过 ]
    baolin cheng
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      Beautiful images. The second stanza doesn't flow as well as the rest.
      "My left eye witnessed the darkness
      That another breast agreed
      Had become even more remote"

      The clauses here disrupt the flow. "agreed" seems to be the culprit. It's a bit confusing which is the precedent (前置词)and which is the subject (主语) for the third line.

      Otherwise, a good job!  Thanks.
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        In terms of grammar, you are right, Aihua! But you may know that sometimes
        ambiguity in poems is a basic tactic.In this case, the " Had become even more
        remote" uses "the darkness " as its subject. Any opinion from you is
        appreciated.  
        baolin cheng
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          Baolin, Thank you for putting up your works. Hopefully, we all benefited from the exchange. Chaos! AH
          美华文学论坛感谢您的参与
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